Tag Archives: paper

Mellow Valentines LOVE-IN • February 14th, 2018

This Wednesday, February 14th, 2018 from 9pm to midnight (or later) it’s CRAFTNIGHT! 
****Project: Crafts of Love 

*******$4 PABST/TECATE • $5 Drink Special for Lovers and Dreamers!  
*********$3 suggested donation, thank you for supporting the arts!  
********* Lucky winners of my obscure trivia questions will win:
Tickets to YACHT ROCK REVUE at the El Rey Feb 17th!!! (Make no mistake, this is the FINEST tribute to soft rock in the city: It’s comedic, talented musicians, but it’s also an actual tribute situation that will make for a really wonderful evening.)

Crafts are gonna be Valentine-oriented, because I have cute choo-choos, spinny wheels, and love caterpillars and that’s not all! It’s been 73 years since Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday have collided, which seems as good a reason as any to celebrate both. Let’s do it all, hayyyyy. Here’s whassup!

Every month is Black History Month OKAY? OKAY! But we’ll be playing kickass 90s soul on the Akbar HI-FI because it sounds really damn good, and because it’s crucial to educate, empower and sustain the achievements by African Americans and the central role of blacks in U.S. history. And I wanna dance with you to “Buffalo Stance” by Neneh Cherry.

Is Valentines Day: Invented by card companies, dumb if you’re single, dumb if you’re coupled, dumb anyways, too expensive, tacky, tawdry, materialistic, signified by stupid chalky heart-shaped candy, cursed with a dippy red and pink color palette, full of unreal expectations? YES!!! YES ALL OF IT!!! WHO CARES!!! 

It’s so cool to poo on Valentine’s Day, I implore you to just DO A LOVE THING because who wins if you do it? We need more love, just you know… make some. Do something good without getting caught, some kind of secret agent kindness no one can know. Forgive someone who pissed you off. Spend $10 on coffee for you and and a friend. Get your ass out and volunteer. Give your time. Give compliments. Listen to a long-winded family member. Notice someone who doesn’t think they’re noticable. Lift something heavy for somebody. Open doors. Call someone far away. CLIMB OUT OF YOUR BELLY BUTTON AND OPEN YOUR HEART. 

It’s Also Ash Wednesday, which is a catholic thang, but one can still celebrate it in a nonsecular way. Many use it as a New Year’s Resolution reboot. It’s said that Jesus spent 40 days in the desert thinking about stuff, so between now and Easter, you’ve got YOUR personal opportunity to go into DEEP THOUGHT about your life JUST like Jesus, wow! Give something up: fatty snacks, criticism, sour patch kids, swearing, snapchat, smoking, religion, the news, etc.

And like WHY do that? Why suffer? Why have a difficulty when shit’s already difficult? The conscious decision by YOU to deprive YOURSELF of something that may or may not be good for you is a way of forcing yourself to contemplate WHY you like that thing/action, WHY you do it, WHAT it does for you and how that effects the world, even in the most piddly way. What kind of space are you taking up on this earth? This holiday is specifically designed to make you get past any bullshit and self-denial you’ve been harboring. Flip the record and look at the B track. Who are you and what are your priorities, anyway? Find out!

If 40 days is too much for you, there’s always Passover coming up in March, which is 8 days not 40, but no less contemplative and jarring in its own freaky way. If you’d rather shake hands with the devil, come see me at Bingo on February 18th (details below) and win glorious sinful prizes! Be bad! Gamble and support the arts!

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain


FEB 18th – Bet Yer Bottom BINGO!!! Gambling, Winning, Singing, Drinking, Dabbing, Dotting, Laughing! Details HERE!

FEB 21st, FEB 28th – YES THERE WILL  BE CRAFTS YAHHHHHH!!!! We’re relentless and forever, we’re CraftNight. 


Posted by on February 13, 2018 in Collage Craft, Scrapping/Coloring Craft

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Bus Craft! • May 3rd, 2017

This Wednesday, May 3rd, 2017 from 9pm until midnight (or later) it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Bus Craft!
$3 Donation Please 
$4 Drink specials! Akbar: Come Alive! You’re in the Akbar Generation! 

Ah, the joys of public transportation! We made Snail photoframe kits last week in an effort to slow things down, you know, like a snail. This week we’ll step up our pace and honor the BUS.

It’s a paper bus craft, I’ll have markers on hand so you can develop your own transit company, and I’ll have plenty of sparkles and crafty bits you can use to decorate your ride.

Some of you really don’t love the bus, and yeah, the bus is not always fabulous. But that’s kind of why the bus rocks. Traveling by bus is traveling with an “open sensibility” in that you’ve just got to know that just about anything can happen. There’s no controlling farts, people grooming themselves, people talking out of their faces to themselves or others or who knows, people sometimes have their headphones or even their speakerphones turned up intolerably loud.

Undeniably, when you’re on the bus, it’s all about “us” and not about you. Because you’re carpooling, you’re contributing to cleaner emissions, it’s even safer on a bus than being in a car. You’re helping stop pollution and making the city more walkable and bikable, and you’re part of the city’s mood, the pulse of our together-lifeforce. It’s a civic-minded way to get from one place to the other. Our city isn’t getting smaller or less congested, public transportation is the future, so let’s start by appreciating our BUSES and our BUS DRIVERS!!!!

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain


May 10th – Ship Craft! Saiiiiiiilin’ takes me awayyyyy to where I’m goin….

May 17th – Paint-Yer-Own Flower Pot!

May 24th -TBA

May 19th – Bet Yer Bottom Bingo!!! 8pm – 10pm • 6 Games • Boys, Girls, Balls, FTW!!!!  

May 31st – TBA


Posted by on May 2, 2017 in EZ Craft

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Groundhog Day Paper Dolls • January 27th, 2016


This Tuesday it’s BET YER BOTTOM BINGO (read further below for details)
This Wednesday, Jan 20th, 2015 from 9pm until midnight (or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: Magnets 
$3 Processing fee, please
$4 Drink Specials at Akbar: America’s World Class Cocktail 

Groundhog Day is almost upon us, are you ready? Did you order enough baby carrots? Do you have the dip ready? Will there be enough chairs? All of the banks are going to close, the grocery stores are going to close early, it’s a madhouse throughout the city as everyone scrambles for the big day.

We will be ready with some special Groundhog-themed treats (involving Oreos ground into dirt, no less) and we will have Groundhog paper dolls that you color and then cut out and stand up for display purposes. Adult coloring books are all the rage right now, so why not sit down with some pens and crayons and color inside OR outside the lines to make your own very unique Groundhog standee? We have everything you need for blowing off steam, we have cocktails, we have music, we have weird stuff playing on the Akbar jumbo-tron, we’ve got people you’ve yet to meet, we’ve got drinks, and we have this little project. Everything is designed for you to de-stress, unwind and sink yourself into a little haven of joy and ease.

Don’t listen to the purists, who think that coloring stuff isn’t making art, those people are just pissed that they didn’t invent coloring themselves. They should probably relax. Coloring is a meditative process, and the act of spacing out is very creative. When you color, you’re giving your brain the mental equivalent of a playground, a big space to run around in and be free. I think coloring in a Groundhog paper doll is doubly relaxing, because these are creatures that know how to SLEEP. Groundhogs know how to relax. If only those weird guys in Punxatawney would stop DIGGING up the groundhogs to see if they’re making shadows!

I was born on Groundhog Day. If you aren’t busy and wish to come in and give me a hug for turning a year older, I certainly won’t stop you.

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain



THIS TUESDAY January 26th BINGO: Tuesday 8pm to 10pm it’s Bet Yer Bottom Bingo with the big bad prizes you’ve come to love us for, so come on in and try your luck with booze, girls, boys, balls, it’s the best in neighborhood gay bar gambling!
**February 3rd CRAFTNIGHT – Mardis Gras Disguises
Ohhhhh the LOVE-IN!!! • Featuring the LOVE RAFFLE (Mad mad prize baskets), Valentine Snacks, Cute Friends, Hot Strangers and MORE!






Posted by on January 23, 2016 in Collage Craft, Coloring Craft

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Holiday Craft Grab • December 2nd, 2015


Wednesday, Dec.2nd, 2015 from 9pm until midnight (or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Holiday Craft Grab! 
$3 Processing fee, please
$4 Drink Specials at Akbar: Why limit happy to an hour?  


A premium selection of choice crafts will be of your choosing this week. Some of them involve buttons, some of them involve felt, if you want to make a gift for a friend, the abundance of supplies that we have is more than enough to get you started. A bouquet of projects, none of them have ever been seen by crafters, they are new and exciting. 

December is all about time, money, and energy. How are you going to spend yours? What will you require of yourself and others? As we get all our holiday gear together and survey the calendar with all of it’s various invitations, activities and due dates, remember to just pause and drink a large glass of beer, egg nog, or water. Take naps. Get sleep. Eat food. Take care of yourself. The driving and the planning and the shopping isn’t going anywhere, and the true happiness is hidden in the nooks and crannies of repose anyway. You might as well have fun, try some leisure.

Buy the dog a hamburger. Call an old friend. Send a card to your favorite relative. Bake some cookies just to fill the house with an incredible cookie aroma. Make someone a gift at CraftNight. Make something because we live in a world full of perfect mass-produced items that cost 99 cents. Your imperfect gift is priceless, because it was made by hands, your hands. Watch an old movie. Break the tyranny of the monolithic urgency of holiday tasks and duties, do something that is wildly “un-holiday” or go eat soup by yourself in a restaurant.


December 9th: Hanukkah Crafts!

December 10th – 20th – SparkleBlob and Automata present “Holidays on Icing: A Christmas Cookie Crumble” GET TICKETS NOW THEY SELL SO FAST EEEEK!!! (Written and directed by your Craft Capt)

December 16th: Xmas Shrinky Dinks and Ye Olde CrafteNighte Crafte Faire • EARLY START TIME!!! 7pm to 12:30pm (or later) Local Vendors, Crafting, Drinking, Music, Laughter rings out, YEAH!

December 22nd: Tuesday 8pm to 10pm it’s Bet Yer Bottom Bingo HOLIDAY EDITION!!!! Naughty and Nice Bingo? He sees you when you’re sleeping… creepy. Big bottles of booze and some amazing prizes for you so don’t miss it!




Posted by on December 1, 2015 in Assembly Craft, Collage Craft, Coloring Craft

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TONIGHT! Hand Turkeys! • November 18th, 2015

TONIGHT! Wednesday, Nov. 18th, 2015 from 9pm until midnight (or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: HAND TURKEYS, a CraftNight Annual!
$3 Processing fee, please
$4 Drink Specials at Akbar: Thinking’s fine, drinking’s fun! 

It’s our last week in November for Crafts, we take next week off because Akbar will have you shaking your giblets to some serious beats starting at 9pm, it’s called PIE!!! And there really will be delicious pies for sale by Tammie Brown, more details, info, etc. down in the Cornucopia section of this bulletin.

Now then. CraftNight’s Annual Autumn Tradition: THE GRAND AMERICAN HAND TURKEY.

I bet you just think you’re walking around with hands like any regular ol’ day, not knowing that you can trace them and make the tracings into turkeys for the purpose of artistic satisfaction! You and your opposable thumbs are just that much more awesome, you’re sitting on a craft goldmine! It’s a time-honored convention of grade school glory, and if you haven’t made one in a few years, or even if you made one yesterday… well… you can never make enough hand turkeys.

Make a Hand Turkey(s), tonight, made of paper, made with glitz and glamour or down-home sensibilities. You make hand turkeys, and you gaze at them over gravy, or you give them to those you love. We’ll show you how to do it, it’s quite simple, a lot of fun, and it’s your last time to see us before we take the rest of the month off and emerge with December crafts!

Your hand turkey can be a manifestation of your mood, your outfit, your political beliefs, your favorite colors. Your turkey can be anything you want it to be, it can be a night or day turkey, it can be a turkey posing with a wagon wheel, or a turkey that just got a prank call from Ruth Bader Ginsburg! You can make 10 of these tonight and then distribute them around your neighborhood. Or you can make four of them and make a Warhol-esque quad of turkey heads for your wall.

JP Craft Captain


November 25th: NO CRAFTS!!! It’s Akbar’s mega-dance-party called PIE where you can sweat your arse off before ingesting copious amounts of mashed potatoes the next day! Such a delicious night, come on in and give thanks to all the hotties dancing with you. Pies by Tammie Brown, special guests: AMBROSIA SALAD – FIFI LAFILLE – SQUEAKY BLONDE- JAMES CERNE- SHAWN MORALES- STACY CHRISTINE! • Dancefloor chef: T.K. DISKO (Split Secs, Machine Limited) • Front Room Maitre d’: CHRIS BOWEN (Bears in Space, Cub Scout, Pitch Black City)

November 24th: Tuesday • Akbar • 8 to 10pm • BET YER BOTTOM BINGO!!! It’s a WILD Turkey Edition of your favorite High-Rollin’ Cocktail Drinkin’ Gamblin’ Good TImes! 50 cents to play, win big bottles of booze, glassware, and other fanciful items! And yes, the bingo calls will be Thanksgiving-themed, so get ready for that!  I’ve got 2 pairs of tickets to see ROBERT DELONG @ Fonda on 11/28, wanna shot at winning those? Get in here next week!

December 16th: Wednesday • Ye Olde CrafteNighte Crafte Faire • 7pm to 12:30pm (or later) Pick out goods and sundries from local Los Angeles vendors at our Pop Up holiday faire! CraftNight going strong, lots of surprise treats and fun waiting for you!


Posted by on November 18, 2015 in Assembly Craft, Collage Craft, Coloring Craft

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