Dreamcatcher Keychain • August 20th, 2014

19 Aug


This Wednesday, August 20th, 2014 from 9pm until midnight (or later) it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Dream Catcher Keychain
Processing Fee: $2
$4 Drink Special: The Lyla, your gateway to fabulous heights, ginger beer + whiskey, oh MY!  
HEADS UP>>>> NEXT TUESDAY: The debut of “Bet Yer Bottom Bingo” hosted by your Craft Captain at Akbar 8pm to 10pm with drink specials and prizes!!! 

Are you a dreamer? Do you have aspirations?

It would only be fitting to fashion for yourself a way to keep your dreams in a safe place, a spot to parse them, sort them, keep the ones you want and dispose of the ones that freak you out. Not only that, but what if such a thing could be portable and even a daily reminder to pay attention to your dreams? WE’VE DONE IT!!!

We have the technology, these bright little dream catcher crafts have everything you need to bead up a fine little mascot for your reveries, your musings, your plans for yesterday, today and tomorrow. I’ll bring extra beads and feathers so that you have the ability to get extra flamboyant.

In other news: next week I bring to you “Bet Yer Bottom Bingo” where you can win some pretty sweet stuff for playing BINGO!!!! We have the turny-thingy with the balls in it, and paper cards, and you can sit there and play as many cards as you like, and we’ll play four corners, criss-cross, blackout and other variations from 8pm until 10! BET YER BOTTOM!!! BET YER BOTTOM BINGO!!!!

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain


Your Number One Fan • August 13th, 2014

12 Aug


This Wednesday, August 13th, 2014 from 9pm until midnight (or later) it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Paint-a-Wooden-Fan
Processing Fee: $2
$4 Drink Special: I think we have some new ones, we need you in here for “quality control” on verifying this statement, won’t you visit? 

It’s kind of getting hot, wouldn’t you agree? It’s the type of hot where the sun’s rays shine down on one of your arms, and it practically feels like the sun is trying to dissect your arm. These are ultra-summer sunshine rays, almost prickly with an invasive intrusive “I AM THE SUN, DAMMIT!!!” kind of vibe that’s beyond scary. Friends from out of town think you’re categorically insane to live here, they do not understand Hot August Heat in Los Angeles.

We specialize in co-existing with the sun here in our vast metropolis! Observe the tiny senior citizens bopping around town with their parasols and giant visor hats and wrap-around sunglasses, they totally know what they’re doing.

We want you to be prepared, because the hotter it gets, the more our city’s air-conditioning hits an all-time absent-minded high, and the stuff is blowing out vents so voraciously, you develop rock formations in your nostrils. And then brown-outs and black-outs plague the city.

When this happens, take out your NUMBER ONE FAN that you painted at CraftNight! This handy-dandy keepsake will always offer a bit of relief from the stagnant smoggy air surrounding you in the wake of a traffic jam with no AC, or just when you’re standing around in line for “Let’s Make a Deal” outside CBS Studios.

You can really go any way you want with this wooden fan, you can go über fancy, or put quippy little messages on it, draw faces all over it, make one for a friend, there are unbounded possibilities. We’ve made the foldy paper fans before, but not these, they remind me of something you’d use at some kind of revival in an old-timey dance hall.

Also we seem to be following some kind of trend in making crafts that are weirdly useful, a flavor of the month I usually renounce on principal in the age of artisan mustard and brill creme made from goldfish tears, so get it while it lasts.

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain


TONIGHT! Canvas Key Valet/Catchall • August 6th, 2014

06 Aug


TONIGHT! Wednesday, August 6th, 2014 from 9pm until midnight (or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Canvas Key Valet/Catchall
Processing Fee: $2
$4 Drink Special: The Lyla, Be exceptional, have a Lyla in your cup! 
Note: Gothtober’s Moon Beckons You, Apply Now!

You know how you get home and plop your wallet, sunglasses and keys and cell phone down somewhere and then spend waaaaay too much time trying to find them again later, next time you’re trying to leave?
Maybe you have a key hook or something like that, and such scenarios never happen to  you.
Whatever the case, this canvas, paintable key valet is actually USEFUL and we almost never make “useful” crafts around here, I try to have us make things that have no general purpose to shake things up, but this time even I couldn’t help it. I want one of these things!
Never lose your keys again!
Have a place to put your stuff at the end of the day! It’s a little tray you snap together, but you can paint a design on it, quite lovely and, dare I say, eerily functional.

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain


10 Lies About Your New Summertime Arrowhead Necklace Craft • July 23rd, 2014

22 Jul


This Wednesday, July 23rd, 2014 from 9pm until midnight (or later) it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Arrowhead Necklace
Processing Fee: $2
$4 Drink Special: The Lyla, Life begins at the end of a Lyla!
•••••EXTRA CREDIT: BUY SOME ART at the SPARKLEBLOB ART ACTION Bidding Owl Page! We’re fundraising to keep programs like CraftNight, Gothtober, the Holiday Show and other bizarre and amazing arty things going on in your city!
•••••MORE EXTRA CREDIT: Come to the SparkleBlob ART ACTION ON AUGUST 2nd! You can get a Birthday License from DocuMART™ purchase art to support our cause, have a hot dog or some tater tots, play bingo and WIN PRIZES!!!

NOW THEN: On to the LIES People Tell about Summertime Arrowhead Necklace Crafts!
Lies! The Summertime Arrowhead is actually one of the fastest crafts recorded on record according to CraftSport Magazine in 1978. If you are in a hurry, this craft is PERFECT for those who have early bedtimes or who feel overwhelmed with daily tasks.
Lies! Your Summertime Arrowhead craft is built with the technology to make assembly not only very fast, but also reality-defyingly easy! It’s so easy that in 2005, Mumbles, a Jack Russell Terrier from Tuscon, AZ put one together in 10.5 minutes, and Mumbles doesn’t even have opposable thumbs!
Lies! The Summertime Arrowhead is packed with meaning! The semantics of getting out of your abode and into a bar to make a piece of wearable art with parts made in China from artificial whisperings of all ancient human civilization with a jaunty nod to this nation’s more recent association with arrowheads and Native American culture could make your head EXPLODE with meaning!
Lies! In every way this summertime arrowhead craft arrives with instructions… that are YOURS TO DISOBEY. While perimeters have been put in place, and there is an aura of artifice lingering, it need not dictate the very independent and vociferous voice you’ll lend to the final product.
Lies! These arrowheads are made from STONE! You could feasibly whittle the point down with a flinty bit and make it really sharp! The cord is 24 inches, the beads are real plastic! What do you mean by “real” anyway?
Lies! Are you kidding?!? Nothing portrays freedom and confidence like a stone arrowhead hanging from your neck. Do NOT be surprised if you get extra attention at the office wearing this thing, or a free pass on the Redline to Noho.
Lies! You’ll have to beat people off with sticks, you’ll be the talk of the town! You’ll inspire instant envy and joy in every soul you meet with your Summertime Arrowhead Necklace, you might even have to flick someone’s forehead in order to get more personal space!
Lies! We make sure to bathe all CraftNight Crafts under the full moon and burn sage nearby so that you’ll never have to give this concern another thought.
Lies! It’s been proven that things like knitting and scrap booking and other crafts can have a calming and therapeutic effect. The Summertime Arrowhead craft was built to help you sort out all that complicated stuff in your brain while you do something fun and life-affirming. Come make one, I swear, it’ll make you lighter.
Lies! The Summertime Arrowhead craft totally understands. It’s traveled a long way to see you, and it is waiting inside of a plastic bag for you to open and build a lovely representation of southwestern art. It knows what it’s like to wonder about the future, it understands the frustration of uncertainty. It is inanimate, and it’s got to deal with that.

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain


Record Stuff in Your CAMP JOURNAL! • July 16th, 2014

16 Jul


TONIGHT!!! Wednesday July 16th, 2014 from 9pm to midnight (or later) it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
PROJECT: Camp Journals
PROCESSING FEE: $2 Donation, please!
DRINK SPECIAL: $4 “The Lyla” Ginger Beer, have no fear, with a little whiskey, Dear!

BREAKING NEWS: The Sparkleblob Bidding Page is OPEN!!!
CraftNight is one of SparkleBlob’s Programs.
The Auction is HERE!
Find out about our Art Action Fundraiser on August 2nd HERE!

Meanwhile, I’m sure you’re eager to jot down your errant thoughts, ideas, summer adventures, plans for the perfect camping trip, reasons to buy floral table coverings, malamite plates and so on… so I’ve got just the thing: Camp Journals!

It’s got a handsome foam cover, with holes for binding with ease, and an optional “campfire design” for you to either follow or ignore completely. The whole thing is designed for you to add your custom style to this highly practical and functional craft.

You can turn it into an address book, or a dream diary, a sketchbook, scrapbook of photos, place to brainstorm your next project with all those little lines and circles, you could start your novel.

Come on in and see us, it’s a lovely night for it.

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain