Magic Coin Purse • September 10th, 2014

10 Sep


TONIGHT! 9pm to 12-ish (or later) at Akbar it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Magic Custom Coin Purse! Make MILLIONS!
Processing Fee: $2 suggested donation, por favor
Drink Special: $4 Ginger Beer and Whiskey, what we call “The Lyla”

Dan Fracktenbach decorated a coin purse at CraftNight, creating a reliable source of income in as little as 30 minutes a day, no more worries about recessions or job losses!

Gail Crepchlavoskki gained MAD capital with her Magic CraftNight Coin Purse and banished stress from volatile and plunging markets!

Billy Floddlebloff worked the finance system using his Magic CraftNight Coin Purse and earned up to $150,000.00 this year without having to do any planning or research or effort! He just put the magic coin purse on the counter, did a small yodel, took a nap and woke up to CASH CASH CASH!

This is not a get-rich-quick scam, this is MAGIC! Buy this coin purse and decorate it to your own specifications and watch the money start rolling in, it’s INCREDIBLE!

See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain


Mermaids -n- Seahorses! • September 3rd, 2014

03 Sep


TONIGHT! September 3rd, 2014 from 9pm until midnight or later at Akbar it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Processing Fee: $2 suggested donation please!
Craft: Clothespin Mermaids and Seahorse Crafts
Drink Special: $4 Lyla Never fear, it’s whiskey with ginger beer!
Note: September 5th is the LAST CHANCE to get your application in! What is gothtober? 31 days, 31 artists, check it out! and to read the latest news and info visit


Summer session continues as we march toward Autumn, those of you who were expecting it to cool down know better than that! September is for the hotness to get even crazier! Some of you are back in school, or getting ready to return to your academics, but the pool parties are still in full swing and you can still get that sunny gritty feeling at the local beaches, catch some waves the water’s perfect!

In honor of taking advantage of those last few beachy holidays, and the fact that September is “Sea Cadet Month” I’ve gathered for you some mermaids to talk to, as well as the ocean’s favorite steed, seahorses! It’s a fine time to gussy these up with all the underwater sparkles, the glitter glue will be out, as well as those odd-n-ends you want to use for ultimate oceanic decor.

Won’t you join us tonight? The time is right, the stars are out, and just so’s you know: September 1 – 6 is National Waffle Week. Have a waffle, or get one for a friend.

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain


Dreamcatcher Keychain • August 20th, 2014

19 Aug


This Wednesday, August 20th, 2014 from 9pm until midnight (or later) it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Dream Catcher Keychain
Processing Fee: $2
$4 Drink Special: The Lyla, your gateway to fabulous heights, ginger beer + whiskey, oh MY!  
HEADS UP>>>> NEXT TUESDAY: The debut of “Bet Yer Bottom Bingo” hosted by your Craft Captain at Akbar 8pm to 10pm with drink specials and prizes!!! 

Are you a dreamer? Do you have aspirations?

It would only be fitting to fashion for yourself a way to keep your dreams in a safe place, a spot to parse them, sort them, keep the ones you want and dispose of the ones that freak you out. Not only that, but what if such a thing could be portable and even a daily reminder to pay attention to your dreams? WE’VE DONE IT!!!

We have the technology, these bright little dream catcher crafts have everything you need to bead up a fine little mascot for your reveries, your musings, your plans for yesterday, today and tomorrow. I’ll bring extra beads and feathers so that you have the ability to get extra flamboyant.

In other news: next week I bring to you “Bet Yer Bottom Bingo” where you can win some pretty sweet stuff for playing BINGO!!!! We have the turny-thingy with the balls in it, and paper cards, and you can sit there and play as many cards as you like, and we’ll play four corners, criss-cross, blackout and other variations from 8pm until 10! BET YER BOTTOM!!! BET YER BOTTOM BINGO!!!!

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain


Your Number One Fan • August 13th, 2014

12 Aug


This Wednesday, August 13th, 2014 from 9pm until midnight (or later) it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Paint-a-Wooden-Fan
Processing Fee: $2
$4 Drink Special: I think we have some new ones, we need you in here for “quality control” on verifying this statement, won’t you visit? 

It’s kind of getting hot, wouldn’t you agree? It’s the type of hot where the sun’s rays shine down on one of your arms, and it practically feels like the sun is trying to dissect your arm. These are ultra-summer sunshine rays, almost prickly with an invasive intrusive “I AM THE SUN, DAMMIT!!!” kind of vibe that’s beyond scary. Friends from out of town think you’re categorically insane to live here, they do not understand Hot August Heat in Los Angeles.

We specialize in co-existing with the sun here in our vast metropolis! Observe the tiny senior citizens bopping around town with their parasols and giant visor hats and wrap-around sunglasses, they totally know what they’re doing.

We want you to be prepared, because the hotter it gets, the more our city’s air-conditioning hits an all-time absent-minded high, and the stuff is blowing out vents so voraciously, you develop rock formations in your nostrils. And then brown-outs and black-outs plague the city.

When this happens, take out your NUMBER ONE FAN that you painted at CraftNight! This handy-dandy keepsake will always offer a bit of relief from the stagnant smoggy air surrounding you in the wake of a traffic jam with no AC, or just when you’re standing around in line for “Let’s Make a Deal” outside CBS Studios.

You can really go any way you want with this wooden fan, you can go über fancy, or put quippy little messages on it, draw faces all over it, make one for a friend, there are unbounded possibilities. We’ve made the foldy paper fans before, but not these, they remind me of something you’d use at some kind of revival in an old-timey dance hall.

Also we seem to be following some kind of trend in making crafts that are weirdly useful, a flavor of the month I usually renounce on principal in the age of artisan mustard and brill creme made from goldfish tears, so get it while it lasts.

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain


TONIGHT! Canvas Key Valet/Catchall • August 6th, 2014

06 Aug


TONIGHT! Wednesday, August 6th, 2014 from 9pm until midnight (or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Canvas Key Valet/Catchall
Processing Fee: $2
$4 Drink Special: The Lyla, Be exceptional, have a Lyla in your cup! 
Note: Gothtober’s Moon Beckons You, Apply Now!

You know how you get home and plop your wallet, sunglasses and keys and cell phone down somewhere and then spend waaaaay too much time trying to find them again later, next time you’re trying to leave?
Maybe you have a key hook or something like that, and such scenarios never happen to  you.
Whatever the case, this canvas, paintable key valet is actually USEFUL and we almost never make “useful” crafts around here, I try to have us make things that have no general purpose to shake things up, but this time even I couldn’t help it. I want one of these things!
Never lose your keys again!
Have a place to put your stuff at the end of the day! It’s a little tray you snap together, but you can paint a design on it, quite lovely and, dare I say, eerily functional.

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain