Easter Eggs • April 16th, 2014

15 Apr


This Wednesday, April 16th, 2014 from 9pm until midnight (or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Easter Eggs, A BIG DEAL! 
$2 Processing fee, please
$4 Drink Special: “The Lyla” Double your joy and disappear your sorrows!

Remember the PAAS Easter Egg coloring kit? It never went away. It’s still here with it’s funny “magic crayon” and the cardboard box where you punch out the holes for your newly dyed eggs to sit in, the weird wire egg holder that kind of works and kind of doesn’t… it’s waiting for you.

They’ve added stickers. They’ve added themes. But even with all that new mumbo jumbo, it’s still the same PAAS kit of yesteryear. We’ve got the vinegar-water-tablet cups you plop your egg into and wait for the shell to take on a hue of brilliance. Other things available will be some of the staples from the craft smorgasbord to which you are accustomed, as well as a few other interesting bits suitable for accoutrement.

If you’re a stranger to all of this, you might as well start now, because it’s worthwhile, I must say, you get to craft something that you will EAT, and the last time we dyed eggs was 2010!

I’m kind of hoping that someone makes a “Passover brisket” egg.

I will be boiling many eggs in preparation for your arrival, so please humor me, help me get rid of all of these eggs! I’ll have fry boat baskets and plastic grass for you to put them in so that you may take home and care for them until you wish to make an egg salad sandwich.

See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain


Alligator Stick Puppet • April 9th, 2014

07 Apr



This Wednesday, April 9th, 2014 from 9pm until midnight (or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Alligator Puppets
$2 Processing fee, please
$4 Drink Special: “The Lyla” The Cocktail for People Who Can’t Brush After Every Meal! 

Alligator Puppets?!? That’s a croc! No really! We’re making stick puppets of a “living fossil” favorite. Alligators have been around a looooong time, these cold blooded creatures deserve some respect for their evolutionary excellence, so we’re deeming them CraftNight’s spirit reptile for this week.

You can only find alligators in the US and China, and aptly enough, these little foam-piece puppets were manufactured in China, just like real gators! If you take care of your alligator puppet, it might last even longer than a real alligator. An average alligator has a lifespan of somewhere between 30 – 50 years. Your alligator puppet will also weigh considerably less than a real alligator, about a 1,000 lb. and 10 foot difference, much more manageable and convenient for supper parties and long plane trips.

But real bona fide alligators are more fragile than you may have thought: Airlines in the US habitually run over at least one alligator a year on runways! And an alligator must raise it’s head to swallow and an alligator can’t move its tongue, (another reason alligators are not known for being especially loquacious.) If you really want to be freaked out about an animal in the wild that kills, read about mosquitos… but I’m getting off topic.

Did you spend part of your childhood curled up with “animal fact” books and fantasize how to escape sharks, bears and alligators? I did, and I JUST FOUND OUT after feeling really smug after all these years that running in a zig-zag formation to escape an alligator on land is total bunk. Alligators don’t really care about you or I as a food source or much anything else, so even if an alligator had a LOT of coffee and changed its mind and got off its lazy ass to chase you, it would max out at 10 mph, as far as land-chasing options.

Alligators are FAST in the water though, we’re talking 20 mph fast, and while you are still a very unappealing option for an alligator meal, it’s always best to be cautious in gator territory. If alligator PUPPETS are nearby, however, I can’t guarantee safety,  you’re on your own, there’s no hope. Alligator puppets have been known to dress up in home made outfits, behave aggressively and tell horrible jokes. The only way to know if I’m telling the truth, however, is to come on into Akbar and make an alligator puppet and make it snappy. Hahahaaaa….

See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain




Cozy Coloring: Black Velvet Style! • April 2nd, 2014

02 Apr


This Wednesday, April 2nd, 2014 from 9pm until midnight (or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Black Velvet Posters
$2 Processing fee, please
$4 Drink Special: “The Lyla” You’re in a Beauty Contest Every Day of Your Life

April showers indeed, it’s a fine time to come visit our lovely neighborhood oasis, get yourself a glass of warmth, sit down, get cozy, and color a captivating black velvet poster of a LOT of butterflies, or some sea life, an armada of happy faces exploding toward you in apparent benevolence…

I have four sizes of posters and an abundance of themes. I’ve spent some time with them, and they’re all a little bit weird. But they won’t ask much of you at all, it’s virtually impossible for you to color outside the lines with black velvet posters. In fact, to make things more interesting, you might want to try coloring one blind-folded. You see, I’m not sure if it’s going to rain or not, but it’s cold and cloudy, so it’s an opportunity to do an activity that feels like a rainy day. Curl up with your coloring poster and have some “you time.”

While you’re coloring, you may overhear an interesting conversation and end up learning something futuristic, or you’ll hear something unbearable or banal that possibly fortifies your impression of the deplorable, vapid musings of the human race. But then the smell of the wet ground outside will drift in for a moment, or someone will burst into the room shaking raindrops off their coat. Flowers are drinking water, things are being made brighter and clearer for tomorrow. Your city is being made new!

You can walk in between all those raindrops that can’t fall anywhere but down, or you can get drenched. However you want to do it, we’ll be here to welcome you, black velvet style.

See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain


Fun-n-Flimsy Photo Cubes! • March 26th, 2014

26 Mar


This Wednesday, March 26th, 2014 from 9pm until midnight (or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Fun-n-flimsy Photo Cubes!
$2 Processing fee, please
$4 Drink Special: “The Lyla” Don’t get mad… get cocktail!

It seems perfectly logical to take a 6-sided object and bedaub it with photos. Who knows what amazing mind came up with this concept, you can leave it on the mantel and see whatever you want whenever you like. Don’t like side one? No problem, just flip Uncle Ernie and his bug collection out of the way so you can see Grandma Blern in her heyday, dancing the cha-cha with her highball and her Pall Mall back in 1965. Rotate it and see yourself covered in spaghetti when you were two!

A photo cube is a gift for a nosey person inspecting your home, they will know everything about you by picking up one of these, learning all sorts of things about you that you’ve chosen to share in pictorial cube form. Don’t disappoint them!

I’ve got a photo cube for you, it’s made out of cardboard, it’s flat, and the reviews about this project are extremely varied. People either love this project, or they can’t stand it, which means we simply MUST try it. Someone’s internet review said that it’s “flimsy” and it is, but if you fold it into a cube and tape it together… maybe it’s less flimsy. Another person said they’d never recommend this project for toddlers, but 4th graders is fine, which means it’s probably perfect for CraftNight.

Your photo cube can be everything or nothing, you get to decide if the photos you put in it will speak for themselves, than again, maybe you’ll customize this cardboard hexahedron with drawings, shapes, glitter glue, beads, sparkles, etc. Can’t wait to see what your photo cube says about you!

See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain


Truthy Bracelets • March 19th, 2014

18 Mar

This Wednesday, March 19th, 2014 from 9pm until midnight (or later!) it’s CRAFTNIGHT!
Project: Hemp Truthy Bracelets
$2 Processing fee, please
$4 Drink Special “The Lyla” Put a spring in your heels, it’s for reals!

This week’s hippy treat for you and yours is a handsome and rugged bracelet and letter beads that come with the kit that spell “truth.” But don’t worry, we’ll have OTHER letters for you to use, so that you can say other things, like”


It’s weavy beady fun, and Craft Lieutenant, Elaine Walker, will be steering the craft ship this week, I heard rumor that Lieutenant Vero may also be there. These Lieutenants are very sassy, so be on your best behavior. I’m in Brooklyn, NY where it is 34 degrees, in proximity to perfect  pizza and tasty hot coffee. I shall return next week to do the photo cube waltz with you. In the meantime, don’t miss these bracelets, you’ll feel like you’re at summer camp… in spring!

See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain