TONIGHT: Bingo! Tomorrow: Egg Carton Crafts! • Sept 22nd and 23rd, 2014

23 Sep


TONIGHT! 8pm – 10pm at Akbar: BET YER BOTTOM BINGO!!!
Prepare for a night of numbers and mayhem and FABULOUS PRIZES! Are you a winner? Oh yes you are, get in here, high roller, the stakes are pretty glorious for 50 cents a card!

TOMORROW: 9pm until midnight or later at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Fall Egg Carton Crazy
Processing Fee: $2 donation por favor
Drink Special: Ginger Beer and Whisky, aka, the Lyla! Don’t ask whyla, have a Lyla!

That’s RIGHT, a double whammy, TWO nights of fun for the Fall Equinox! As you know, our Bingo night is its own special Bohemian varietal of home grown weirdness you might come to expect from LA’s very best gay bar in the land. Our prizes are both practical and impractical, all at the same time, and if you don’t know what I mean, then come experience it for yourself.

And this Wednesday, I shall teach you how to make squirrels and owls out of egg carton parts, because now it’s FALL! It really really is! I have been saving egg cartons for weeks! Squirrels and owls are what you need!

The earth has FINALLY tilted toward  the Autumn season. Anyone harping on about how there aren’t actually any pumpkins in pumpkin lattes can just mellow out, because WE KNOW. We know it’s not real.

Ideally, one should bake a perfectly spiced pumpkin pie, then brew a hot piping coffee to go with it, sit on the veranda and pen a six page letter to a good friend while slowly savoring both treats. But instead, technology has developed a method for stuffing the coffee AND the pie into a drinkable fantasy where there is copious free time. The pumpkin spice latte is an impersonation of the leisure time you have in another universe. A pumpkin spice latte is borrowed existence, a pale imitation of a slower, calmer reality. When you sip a pumpkin spice latte, may it be a reminder that the time you so desire doing certain things does not, in fact, exist. You must carve out the time, like you carve a pumpkin, in order to focus your energies toward leisure, friends, lovers, bubble baths, bingo, crafts, Monday Night Football, and other choice endeavors.

And so sometimes you just have to embrace the artificial, so that you can have a seasonal hot beverage that calms your senses and tells you that at some point,  maybe not now, but at some point, you will be having that pie and coffee.

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain


TONIGHT! Free Thinkin’ Key Fob in the AC • September 17th, 2014

17 Sep


This Wednesday, September 17th, 2014 from 9pm until 12am (or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: Free Thinkin’ Bead Bag Tag

$2 Processing fee, please

$4 Drink Special: The Lyla “Don’t be Shy-La, Have a Lyla!”

ON THE HORIZON: Bet Yer Bottom Bingo • Tuesday • 8pm – 10pm • September 23rd, 2014 • AUTUMN-MANIA-STYLE!!! WIN PRIZES!!!

September 17th just happens to be School Backpack Awareness Day, and since backpacks are wonderful and school is back in session, we have a handy bead talisman kit that encourages free thinking. It’s important to fight authority, tradition, or other dogmas as much as possible, so use this tag from CraftNight to be reminded accordingly.

This is that last hurrah of harvesting all those delicious garden vegetables, the birthstone for September is the sassy sapphire, which kind of loosely translates as “Dear Saturn, we love you.” in Sanskrit. That’s quite fitting, as this time of year, the ringed planet will sink from view into the twilight. The Ludi Magni pays honor to Jupiter, Juno, and our beloved Minerva, who is on the Seal of California.

This is our last CraftNight before Fall, not that Los Angeles realizes it quite yet. We’re officially after “summer proper” but the weather is still packed with possibilities. We’re right on schedule for dry above normal temperatures, and iced tea is still the most important beverage in the world with this current heat wave.

This time of year is also called Haf Bach Mihangel (Michael’s Little Summer) or Brittsommar, Altweibersommer (Old Wives’ Summer), and in Latvia this period is called atvasara meaning “flashback of summer.” Still many other cultures call it “Old Lady Summer” and many of us know it as “Indian Summer.” But I think here in LA we could call it “FaceMelt Summer” or “Fry an Egg on Your Forehead Summer” or “It’s So Hot the Devil Took the Day Off” Summer.

But you know what’s nice about CraftNight besides exciting crafts, delicious drink specials, catchy music and lots of fun? AIR CONDITIONING!!!! WE HAVE IT!!! Come on in before it gets so hot the fire hydrants start chasing the dogs.

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain


Magic Coin Purse • September 10th, 2014

10 Sep


TONIGHT! 9pm to 12-ish (or later) at Akbar it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Magic Custom Coin Purse! Make MILLIONS!
Processing Fee: $2 suggested donation, por favor
Drink Special: $4 Ginger Beer and Whiskey, what we call “The Lyla”

Dan Fracktenbach decorated a coin purse at CraftNight, creating a reliable source of income in as little as 30 minutes a day, no more worries about recessions or job losses!

Gail Crepchlavoskki gained MAD capital with her Magic CraftNight Coin Purse and banished stress from volatile and plunging markets!

Billy Floddlebloff worked the finance system using his Magic CraftNight Coin Purse and earned up to $150,000.00 this year without having to do any planning or research or effort! He just put the magic coin purse on the counter, did a small yodel, took a nap and woke up to CASH CASH CASH!

This is not a get-rich-quick scam, this is MAGIC! Buy this coin purse and decorate it to your own specifications and watch the money start rolling in, it’s INCREDIBLE!

See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain


Mermaids -n- Seahorses! • September 3rd, 2014

03 Sep


TONIGHT! September 3rd, 2014 from 9pm until midnight or later at Akbar it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Processing Fee: $2 suggested donation please!
Craft: Clothespin Mermaids and Seahorse Crafts
Drink Special: $4 Lyla Never fear, it’s whiskey with ginger beer!
Note: September 5th is the LAST CHANCE to get your application in! What is gothtober? 31 days, 31 artists, check it out! and to read the latest news and info visit


Summer session continues as we march toward Autumn, those of you who were expecting it to cool down know better than that! September is for the hotness to get even crazier! Some of you are back in school, or getting ready to return to your academics, but the pool parties are still in full swing and you can still get that sunny gritty feeling at the local beaches, catch some waves the water’s perfect!

In honor of taking advantage of those last few beachy holidays, and the fact that September is “Sea Cadet Month” I’ve gathered for you some mermaids to talk to, as well as the ocean’s favorite steed, seahorses! It’s a fine time to gussy these up with all the underwater sparkles, the glitter glue will be out, as well as those odd-n-ends you want to use for ultimate oceanic decor.

Won’t you join us tonight? The time is right, the stars are out, and just so’s you know: September 1 – 6 is National Waffle Week. Have a waffle, or get one for a friend.

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain


Dreamcatcher Keychain • August 20th, 2014

19 Aug


This Wednesday, August 20th, 2014 from 9pm until midnight (or later) it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Dream Catcher Keychain
Processing Fee: $2
$4 Drink Special: The Lyla, your gateway to fabulous heights, ginger beer + whiskey, oh MY!  
HEADS UP>>>> NEXT TUESDAY: The debut of “Bet Yer Bottom Bingo” hosted by your Craft Captain at Akbar 8pm to 10pm with drink specials and prizes!!! 

Are you a dreamer? Do you have aspirations?

It would only be fitting to fashion for yourself a way to keep your dreams in a safe place, a spot to parse them, sort them, keep the ones you want and dispose of the ones that freak you out. Not only that, but what if such a thing could be portable and even a daily reminder to pay attention to your dreams? WE’VE DONE IT!!!

We have the technology, these bright little dream catcher crafts have everything you need to bead up a fine little mascot for your reveries, your musings, your plans for yesterday, today and tomorrow. I’ll bring extra beads and feathers so that you have the ability to get extra flamboyant.

In other news: next week I bring to you “Bet Yer Bottom Bingo” where you can win some pretty sweet stuff for playing BINGO!!!! We have the turny-thingy with the balls in it, and paper cards, and you can sit there and play as many cards as you like, and we’ll play four corners, criss-cross, blackout and other variations from 8pm until 10! BET YER BOTTOM!!! BET YER BOTTOM BINGO!!!!

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain