This Wednesday (TONIGHT!) January 22nd, 2014 from 9pm to midnight (or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Placemat for Your Facemat
$2 Donation, por favor
$4 DRINK SPECIAL!!! >>> The Lyla! Come to where the flavor is! \
It’s 2014, do you know where your private information is? Well don’t worry, there is stress-detecting technology in this email that has identified your habits.
We have finally figured out how to calm you down.
Do not fear, our data is encrypted with the best pie crusts, none of it has been pinched, rolled or made into a pie, to our knowledge. At this point, we’ve covertly culled enough statistics about your daily routines to surmise that what you could really use right now is crafts.
There is a very convincing report over here showing that attending this week’s CraftNight will fill you with a sense of camaraderie, as well as instill an appreciation for slowing down and playing with pipe cleaners.
Have you heard of contact paper?
Recently, I acquired a rather large clear roll of it, which means you can sandwich stuff in between the pieces and perform a sort of “cold lamination”
procedure. It’s perfect for placemats, and placemats are perfect for life. You can really let yourself go and preserve a variety of writings, drawings,
designs, collage, photos, and protect its quality for years to come. Here are a few things you can make this Wednesday Night:
- Make a placemat commemorating International SnowMobile Safety and Awareness Week (January 18 – 25)
- Answer all of your cat’s burning questions by writing the answers on a special placemat for your cat to read while the cat eats.
- Screw placemats, make COASTERS, YEOW!!!
- List Antov Chekhov’s 8 Qualities of Cultured People. Frequently misspell “Anton Chekhov.”
- Bring pictures of a friend, and immortalize them in a clear plastic placemat for posterity. Give placemat to another friend who knows this person.
Our premium spyware has revealed that you will enjoy this CraftNight very much, in fact, we’re trying to partner with Target, so that the more CraftNights you attend, points will be added to your Target Cartwheel account, which will make available to you an entire list of credit card numbers and account information for you to use and purchase anything you want in Target stores! Man, a teenager wouldn’t even think of something that cool!
FYI, while you were reading this, we found out from three subliminal online personality tests that most of you are Snape from Harry Potter, a third of you should be living in Portland, Oregon, and everyone is Beaker from the The Muppets. The enjoyment experienced from being categorized in a totally non-threatening way is directly proportionate to the smarminess of this shamelessly garish one-dimensional play upon your anxieties (that may or may not be) concerned with actual internet surveillance.
Tell your smartphone to remind you to come see us, and we’ll glue a googly eye to your smartphone!
See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain
Crafters Who Make Stuff Are Selling Their Wares! Git You Somma That!
CraftNight enthusiast, Xtine draws AMAZING things that will melt your brain, including a fantastic series of presidents eating hot dogs! Visit her Etsy Page and get a truly original, beautifully rendered piece of art for that special someone (that’s right, I’m talkin’ about YOU because it’s JanYOUary, hahhahahaha.)
Crafter extraordinaire, Kristen Erickson’s got some ceramics over at Fifth Floor Gallery in China Town, but you can view more of her stuff on Coroflot (not just ceramics, print, graphics, more!) too, our household owns some of her bowls and goblets, they are lovely to look at, and wonderful to use.
You gotta take your Vitamin Cats, and Angie Cho, another excited crafter, has a whole crazy Etsy store just waiting for you to get a few!
