Author Archives: craft captain

This Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009 from 9-ish to 12am-ish, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: Personal Paint-by-Numbers

$2 processing fee, please

The air smells like smoked ham, we have acquired a change in the appearance of the surface of our fine city, and other cities besides. Things are just pretty darn squirrely now, aren’t they? This week, due to the sheer incomprehensibility of recent horrific fiery events, CraftNight offers up tiny individual personal paint-by-number paintings for the treatment and cure of Crafters’ Neurasthenia.

The now ensconced cumulonimbus miasma may have your mind feeling a little muddled, which is perfectly understandable. If you are feeling lost, restless, shiftless, if you find yourself wishing that life would finally start for you, if you feel anxious about your life, positive there is something else you’re supposed to be doing, but you don’t know what it is… don’t let the crazy smoke cloud consume you, let CraftNight help.

If you can navigate through the shadowy pink patina that has settled over our neighborhood, let CraftNight gently guide you to the here and now, to a serene spot at the craft table where you can take a small step and just BE the paint for one enchanted night. Let all the crud fall away, make the simple and wise decision to give yourself the time to have some fun with no grandiose presumptions or routines. Paradise is not out of reach, it is right here.

Personal Paint-by-Numbers, of things like friendly aliens, kitties, underwater ocean scenes, are here for the taking. It’s for you, and no one else. This time, it’s personal. Personal paintings, personal time, like bendy straws and toilet paper, meant for one person at a time, personal.

See you at the Craft Table!
JP Craft Captain
CraftNight’s Site
Akbar’s Site

PS – My MOM is doing the MS Ride in a week or so, pledge her if you can, every little bit helps, she’s a powerhouse, I’m proud of you Mom! WOOO!

My amazing Mom (Chris Parr-Feldman) and my super awesome stepdad (Papa Rick) say:

Rick and I have registered for Bike MS: Waves to Wine Ride 2009 and I am asking you to join us by making a contribution to our Bike MS fundraising. We are riding with the Rotary Chain Gang and we will ride on Sunday, September 13, 2009.  It’s a 50+ mile ride starting in Rohnert Park and ending at Lake Sonoma.  Yikes! We must be crazy, but it’s for a good cause. Please think of us that day.  We appreciate it.
Last year with your help and others, Rick and I raised $3,200, and all together, the Rotary chain Gang raised $10,000! We hope you will support us again this year.

Chris Parr-Feldman and Rick Feldman

Note: If you can’t send a donation now, your Craft Captain will be bugging you in a couple weeks, because I’m doing the Southern California MS Ride in October!

TONIGHT! Wednesday, August 26th, 2009 from 9pm ’til 12-ish, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Lil’ black velvet postcard thingers
$2 processing fee, please

Oh JEEZ, what is that gargantuan INTENSE cloud that is NOT a cloud out there in the sky?!? It’s smoke from the Morris Fire, Azusa is ablaze! Flame lengths in excess of 30 feet, fire whirls with rapid rates of spread, September is almost HERE, and the fires are here to prove it. Are you brave enough to take a decongestant and visit me here at CraftNight?
Oh, I hope so.
It’s a coloring craft, black velvet vignettes, smaller than a postcard, petite and sweet, makes a perfect gift for a loved one OR an enemy!
You can make your own frame for it, festoon it with sparkly what-nots and sip a cool and refreshing $4 cosmo, our weekly drink special at Akbar.
And I’ll say it right here, right now: Bring a little sweater so that you don’t freeze your butt off at CraftNight, because I will have the air ON so that we can all breathe together in harmony. So you might be chilly, but you’re respiratory tract will thank me.
See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain

One more thing: CraftNight salutes Ted Kennedy, who was called into the great beyond today. Thank you for all your years of hard work, sir, you earned the nickname “The Democrat Republicans Love to Hate” quite well.

CraftNight’s Website
Akbar’s Website

TONIGHT! Wednesday, August 19th, 2009 from 9pm ’til midnight, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!

Project: Assemble and Paint Wooden forms of Industry

$2 processing fee, please

At long last, a deluxe craft you can really sink your teeth into (although, since this craft is wooden, you might want to think twice about applying the literal interpretation to your proclivities this evening).

I found these groovy little wooden parts-is-parts kits, there are tractors, some space shuttles, ships, and paddle balls! The paddle balls are the only kits that don’t require assembly, so you have no excuse, if you’re feeling lazy, I’ve already anticipated your sloth, it’s easy street, I swear. I got some new glitter, and more letter beads, get crazy!

It’s a new moon, time for setting your intentions for the weeks ahead, hunkering down and wondering if Los Angeles is going to hit us with it’s last leviathan-style merciless bout of  unbearable heat before settling into Autumn. The Harvest Moon is on it’s way, but we do have some sunshine summer fun before it’s time to store acorns… The 29th Annual SUNSET JUNCTION notwithstanding! Get out there and dance to Dengue Fever, Morris Day and the Time and Very be Careful, to name a few! Stop in at Akbar to cool your jets and enjoy our lovely neighborhood oasis, we’ll be open at 1pm Saturday and Sunday, make it the place to meet your pals before going into the belly of the beast!

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site

TONIGHT!!!
This Wednesday, August 12th, 2009 from around 9pm ’til midnight or so, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Magnets!
$2 processing fee, please

Hey, there’s a meteor shower this week, the famed Perseids are here! For the next three nights or so, do yourself a favor if you’re a late night spectator, go find a dark patch of land, take a thermos and a blanket and watch the night sky throw some big ol’ glowin’ baseballs through the heavens, thrill-a-minute, guaranteed. 
Before you do that though, come make a fridge magnet or two with us over at Akbar. It doesn’t have to go on the fridge, it can go on your filing cabinet, or the car door, anywhere you need to post papers, reminders, photos, notes, whatever. 

Yay, get in here!
See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain

CraftNight Website 

Akbar Website

TONIGHT! Wednesday August 5th, 2009 from 9pm ’til midnight at Akbar it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Problematic Polynesian Appropriation Project
$2 Processing fee, please

Does anyone remember that episode of The Brady Bunch where Greg finds that “Bad Luck” Tiki and next thing you know, people are getting side aches from hula dancing, wiping out badly at surfing and tarantulas are trying to crawl into peoples pants? I’m hoping that when we make these foam tiki totem thingers that CraftNight doesn’t dive bomb into a chaotic taboo-laden spiral of Dionysian amorality.
Blame Ernest Raymond Beaumont-Gant, who opened the Polynesian-themed bar and restaurant in 1934 called “Don the Beachcomber.” He started it! And then there were all those soldiers coming back from the South Pacific with their exciting souvenirs after WWII, followed by Hawaiian Statehood which launched a countrywide fad for the loose and stylistic rip-off of hallowed ancient carvings and mythology of the Maori, Tahitians, Hawaiians, and other Pacific Islanders. As the Devil does indeed live in Hollywood, Los Angeles has a rich and determined habit of theming the hell out of everything it touches, hallowed-be-thy-customs-BE-DAMNED.

But I’m not kidding around here, it’s a FULL MOON tonight, and this stuff is REAL.

We’ve got foam tiki totem pre-made kits made in china, I mean… that’s what I got. If it freaks you out, re-purpose the parts and make a cannon for your grandma, or a fish catcher or a telescope, I’m in full support of whatever you decide to create. But IF you make a tiki totem on the full moon in our middle-eastern-themed gay bar this evening, make sure it’s made with TRUTH and LOVE and the full understanding that you are TIKI-ing at your own risk. If your cat starts talking to you, if green chest hair grows out of your nostrils, if you get beaten up by a Hawaiian football team, CraftNight wishes you well in your endeavors, but will definitely say “I told you so.”

But who knows, if you we do it just right, and set our sites on the positive, maybe the gods will smile on us (despite our clouded western attitude) and you’ll find $100 in your sock drawer, or you’ll get the promotion, or you’ll be in the Rose Parade as the star!

And if you’d like to take a serious look at the origins of the awesome people of the Pacific, see this LINK.

Also, if you have a lot of white liberal guilt, and need a brown person to stand next to in order to feel okay about making your Tiki, I can do this for you! I’m part Pacific Islander, and have extensive training in providing perfunctory symbolic efforts of multi-culti equality for those in turmoil wishing to do right by ethnic culture in the City of the Fallen Angels.

And if you want to wear nothing but a grass skirt and a coconut bra while you’re at it, I’m not going to complain.

I’m glad we could have this discussion. I’m not really sure how we’re going to figure all of this out, but let’s find out together, at CraftNight!

Okay. Full Moon, tiki totems, playing with fire,
See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain

PS- Painting of Kirk & Spock is by Isabel Samaras, check out her stuff. 

CraftNight’s Website

Akbar’s Website