Author Archives: craft captain

This Wednesday, March 10th, 2010 from 9pm to 12-ish, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: Dry Erase Boards

$2 Processing fee, please!

2 weeks ago, I was sick sick sick! Dry-erase boards were NOT made, CraftNight did NOT happen! THIS WEEK IS DIFFERENT. I am no longer afflicted with the horrid flu, and dry-erase boards are here and they are SO COOL, I can’t even tell you. I’m not going to tell you. You just need to step into this place, however, because as far as the forecast is concerned, it won’t be raining, so you have no excuse. The Oscars are OVER, BIG LOVE is finished, Tivo exists, just record (fill in the blank) and watch it later, and come make a DRY ERASE BOARD this week! If you need to know more about dry-erase boards, check out my prior post… it’s extremely informative.

Inspiration is all around you, especially at Akbar, our little neighborhood oasis. We implore you, come take advantage of our patented $4 cosmo, it will fill your mind with bright pink liquid epiphany… and perhaps some tiny pastel-colored elephants pirouetting on the tip of your nose. It’s been known to happen…

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site

This Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010 from 9pm until maybe even 2am at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!

Project: Chip Sculptures

$2 Processing fee, please

SPECIAL GUEST: DJ EZ CHEEZ whipping up some serious bright orange wax for your listening pleasure!

And… we’re BACK! This CraftNight is unprecedented in its glory. I spoke with the Chip Daddy, you see. Who is the Chip Daddy? The Chip Daddy is kind of like Santa Clause, only with chips. The Chip Daddy is probably haunted by memories of Mexican gunmen. The Chip Daddy most likely is friends with human teenagers who will eventually become vampires. The Chip Daddy is not above taking photos of a 4594-pound rubber band ball (world’s largest, in fact.) Face it. The Chip Daddy is RAD. The Chip Daddy, ladies and gentlemen, has made this night possible, by blessing CraftNight with many many many mini-bags of cheese-flavored cornmeal snacks. We’re not just talking about any cheese-flavored cornmeal snacks, however, the Chip Daddy has delivered the BOLD variety of American favorites, that’s right, these shall be your sculpture materials:

1.) Flamin’ Hot Cheetos & Crunchy Jalapeño Cheddar (good for pillars, framework, doorways, barricades)

2.) Chili Cheese Fritos (curled shape that is excellent for creating foundations or roof decor)

3.) Doritos – Spicy Nacho & Sweet Chili (flat triangular shape which can be used to make walls, roofs, anything…)

You will be given bags of chips, bean dip and possibly canned cheeze product to help hold your sculpture together. If you don’t like what you’ve made, you can just EAT IT! Please be advised… this is an MSG-tastic affair, if you’ve never eaten a Flamin’ Hot Cheeto before, consume CAREFULLY. I ate a few, and thought my stomach might sprout wings and fly out of my body from ingesting the crazy laboratory-miracle-hotness. But I am in the minority. Let me just inform you now, in case you’re in the dark, that grade school  kids  in this nation go TOTALLY NUTZO for the Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Need your lawn mowed? Car washed? Need weeding done in the garden? Firewood split and arranged into a neat accessible pile? Seriously, dangle a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos in front of a group of 4th graders and watch them lunge at it in mindless rabid avarice. Kids will dig a moat around your entire house, install two elevators and a funslide from the roof and figure out how to light it like a fairytale princess castle… if you can just make sure you pay them in enough Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Sure, it’s cute now, but remember, their tolerance for the nuclear snacks is way stronger than you might think. We are building super humans that will be able to eat car parts and barbed wire for breakfast.

Anyway, I’m not sure where I’m going with this, just come see us and make your fingertips bright orange.

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain

PS- Next week we’ll bring back the dry-erase board project: promise!

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site

Dear Crafters,

Bleah, I’m SICK! 102.6º fever, chills, aches, dizziness… you don’t wannit.

You can STILL catch olympics at Akbar though, they’ve got cable, and the skiing is happening! The wednesday drink special: cosmos for $4 is going strong as usual!

We’ll continue our regular programming the following week. Sorry for the late notice, I was hoping I’d get better today… alas, alack.

JP Craft Captain

This Wednesday, February 24th, 2010 at Akbar, from 9pm until 12-ish or so it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: Make Your Own Dry-Erase Board!

$2 Processing fee, please

$4 Cosmo special! Woo!

On the Akbar-tron: OLYMPICS! Short Track star Apolo Ohno returns to the ice for the 500m live (ET/CT). Also, Lindsey Vonn in the giant slalom. Plus, women’s aerials, Cross Country and Bobsled. Athletes in tight body suits! Woo!

The word “organization” comes from the Greek word Organon (a derivative of the word ergon.) We’re only in the second month of 2010, there are a lot of plans to be made for the year ahead: phone numbers, dates, ideas, terminology, schematics, all kinds of enjoyable and excellent things that make your life HAPPEN. Better write some of it down… Have we got the craft for you!

White boards became de rigueur in the 80s, even though they were first invented in the 60s. It started when all these kids in the classrooms started hacking and coughing up chalk dust, kicking off a nation-wide classroom health panic. Inventors went to work to try to save the children. Voila! Now today’s students all over the country are safely falling asleep to sines and cosines written in a plethora of colors on glossy surfaces that are allergy-free! And this can be you too, but don’t just stop at trigonometric functions!

Supplies for this evening’s CraftNight include a technologically-advanced dry-erase surface, as well as a handy frame and lots of shapes for decorating, as well as YOUR VERY OWN DRY-ERASE PEN! Use your dry-erase board to write down the nuances and benefits of the day! Your dry-erase board can be a temporary diary, a shopping list, a way to post the soup of the day! Extremely light-weight and easy to carry, and even easier to update with new information on the spot, this fantastic DIY whiteboard is better than a computer and about 99.9% less expensive than one.

Incredible value!

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Website

Akbar’s Website

This Wednesday, February 17th, 2010 from 9pm until 12-ish or so, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: Medals

$2 Processing Fee, Please

$4 Cosmo Drink Special

ALERT: Want to know what crafts are coming in the weeks ahead? I just updated the Main CraftNight Website! CRAFTHEAD.COM Check it out and see what’s on our itinerary!

Now then… it has come to pass that the 2010 Winter Olympic Games are happening, and to get into the spirit of things, we’re going to make our very own medals at CraftNight! Though everyone has their ups and downs once in awhile, and you may feel strange or like there are too many things to do and not enough time, or too much time and nothing to do, what’s totally true is that YOU ARE A CHAMPION. I’m not lying. Just standing there and slurping your coffee, or staring off into space, or spilling burrito juice on your shirt, you are AMAZING.

Pat yourself on the back for having had the common sense to come into being and arrive into the world not knowing a SINGLE THING, only to have grown and prospered to the point of being able to sit here and read this bulletin like it ain’t no big deal. Well, it is a big deal, and you get to make yourself a MEDAL. It doesn’t have to be a special occasion (although I’m not going to rule that out, of course), you can use it for FUN, or use it for identification, heck, put your favorite quote in there or a photo of the town you grew up in, it’s YOUR 2.5″ plastic circle, do what strikes your fancy!

Sadly, I wasn’t able to acquire actual GOLD metals for CraftNight, but I know you’re clever and can rock the paper and plastic like a champ! Once you have your sassy self-made metal around your neck (ribbon included) I hope you gain a sense of belonging, as you are part of the really neat-o human race of champions!

Also, in case you’re worried about missing any exciting Olympic moments, we’ll be broadcasting the Olympics (on mute, while music plays) during CraftNight. This means that as you craft, you can gaze up at the screen, if you like, and observe someone in very brightly-colored technologically advanced gear performing highly specialized perfected activities that could only be possible after a lifetime of insanely dedicated training.

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site