Author Archives: craft captain

This Wednesday, May 21st, 2008 from 9pm ’til midnight, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!

Project: RULERS

$2 Processing fee, please

PS- Web pledges for AIDS/LifeCycle Ride aren’t due until May 28th! Send me a pledge for AIDS/LifeCycle and you can own a JP Original Drawing! Wooooo! 545 Miles in June! Wooooo!

Sometimes, whether you own a Fortune 500 company, a sovereign country, or a republic of genetically enhanced bloodthirsty alien life form fugitives from the 20th century, it’s time to reflect on leadership and how to bap the conference table with your fist like you mean it. This week we’re acknowledging not just people who were known as rulers, but real and fictional people who just kind of “took the bulls by the horns” so to speak. They didn’t read “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” or futz around with the Tony Robbins Success Kit… they just did things: POW!

For better or for worse, these personalities were unforgettable, and so will you be this week when you apply yourself not very seriously to the task of making your very own RULER. After you paint up this little beauty, you can puff out your chest, pontificate proudly with prowess and smack knuckles left and right to keep your subjects in check. You can also have fitful bouts of rage, insecurity and gluttony, send all the servants out for blackberries, then change your mind, throw the blackberries all over the place, and say you wanted cheese and call everyone infidels and heretics. It’s also helpful to put a few heads on stakes outside, in case anyone dares to complain about your behavior.

And just to be clear, there aren’t really any rules to making a ruler. As usual, we’re the same little klatch of crafting merrymaking that’s found here 52 times a year and then some. So come in and empower yourself with the ability to measure excellence for your organization, make a CRAFTNIGHT RULER!

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain

www.crafthead.com

www.akbarsilverlake.com

This Wednesday, May 14th, 2008 at Akbar from 9pm til midnight it’s CRAFTNIGHT!
Project: Secret Wooden Box Keychains
$2 processing fee, please

THIS IS IT! LAST CHANCE to pledge your Craft Captain in the AIDS/LifeCycle Ride of 2008! Please please pledge me, even if it’s 10 bucks, I need to make at least $2500 to do this ride, I’m 885 dollars short, every little bit helps, and it will help so many people, and you will get a piece of ORIGINAL JP ART as my personal thanks to you! There is still no cure for the world’s deadliest disease, help make a difference.

Now then:
Secret Wooden Box Keychains… shhhhhh! I said it’s a secret!
I’ve been waiting for this one, I procured them months in advance.
They’re wooden, and oh, about 2″ x 2.5″ so if anybody says “Hey, what’s that big honkin’ attention-getting thing hangin’ from yer keys there?” Simply raise your eyebrows and look at them as if they’re totally daft, and say “Whatever do you mean? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” And jump on your snowmobile and head down the slopes, secret agent style.
I mean, I guess if you’re in the habit of carrying a purse, it’s no problem, you can hide this keychain in there, and no one will know about it until you try to start the car or open the house. But if you tried to stuff it into the pocket of your jeans, the hard wooden corners will most probably give you impressive bruises if you so much as attempt to sit down, soft, boney and pliable human bodies that we are.
Maybe these things were built this way to remind us that secrets are, for the most part, kind of cumbersome and hard to carry. The ethics of secrecy are complicated and challenging. Thus, if you’re going to have secrets, CraftNight suggests that you decorate them well, carry them in style and be prepared that people may pry and snoop when you least expect it. You’ll be ready for them, with your custom decorated secret keychain, there’ll be no busybodies poking into this effective little wooden guardian of personal privacy!

And with that, I’m going to do something I haven’t done in awhile, I’m including a special secret message at the bottom of this message. I’ve spelled it backwards, your mission is to spell it forward, come to CraftNight and recite it to me, and you will get a special prize! Ha!

See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain
Aids/LifeCycle Rider #6835
www.crafthead.com
www.akbarsilverlake.com

••••secret message••••
traeh eht sterces eht setirw ssik a tub ,setatcid evol

This Wednesday, May 7th, 2008 from 9pm to midnight at Akbar it’s CRAFTNIGHT! Woooo!

Project: Mom-Day Photo Frames

$2 processing fee, please

Special Note: Your Craft Captain is pedaling 545 miles in the AIDS/LifeCycle Ride at the end of this month, pledge due date is the 16th! Own a JP original piece of art, pledge! Click this link to find out more!

This week we’ve got photo frame flower craft kits, it’s very intensive and very easy as always! Bring a photo of yourself if you can, preferably a close-up, to fit in a circular frame size of 3.5″ x 3.5″ it will look both ridiculous and endearing sitting in the middle of a big ol’ sunflower!

We’re celebrating every and all kind of mother this week, the mothers of invention, mother nature, the moms who can’t be with us, the moms who have gone on before us, moms whose children have gone on before them, the archetypal, peculiar, singular, absent and present, long-tall-short-small-noisy-quiet-determined people who wiped our noses and kept us from running into traffic— even though we thought running into traffic was a great idea… mom knew better. CraftNight pays tribute this Wednesday to women who were legendary and fictional, mothers who are fathers, mothers who raised us by themselves, mothers with funky boyfriends/girlfriends and mothers who came with stepbrothers and sisters. The mother within you, that voice remembering you to drink more water and get more exercise and go to bed earlier. 

Make this sunflower frame and take a moment to celebrate, remember that once you were tiny and helpless, and apparently, someone cared! Now you’re all big, mail ’em a card, say “Thanks for not tying me in a bag and throwing me in the river when I lit the couch on fire!”

Or hey, just make a sunflower for yourself, it’s Spring, we’re almost halfway through the year, can’t think of a better flower for the garden. 

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain

www.crafthead.com

www.akbarsilverlake.com

 

 

This Wednesday, April 30th, 2008 from 9pm til midnight at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT! 

Project: Sunny Sunglasses!

$2 processing fee, please

Subbing for your Craft Captain this evening: Craft Lieutenant, Emily Skelton!

 

Dear Crafters, 

I find myself in Zihuatanejo, Mexico, where dogs fall asleep at 2pm everyday, 

and the ocean and sky fight over the color blue 24 hours, 7 days a week. 

 

We’ll be back to our regular programming next week, but for now, in my stead this 

Wednesday, steering the craft ship is our new Craft Lieutenant, Emily Skelton! 

She’ll be there the regular hours, and our craft is pretty spectacular and sparkly. 

I’ve been reading on the news about those Sierra Madre fires, and when smoke

gets in your eyes, if you’re not evacuating, it’s always good to have a pair of 

state-of-the-art sunglasses. 

And do we have the pair for YOU!

Come in, choose your color or shape, and design the look of your liking! 

Rose-colored glasses are great for summer, they make everyone look just that much

more inspiring.

 

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain

You may wander into Akbar and ask “What is this racy young fashion
idea! Paper bag puppets you say?” Well yes, we made paper bag
puppets about six years ago, but they went out of style shortly after
that. But if you’ve read W or Esquire lately, you’ll see they’re de rigueur
all over again, and CraftNight is totally on the pulse of today’s fads,
if not a total trend leader, as such things go.

You may wonder where to go if you haven’t picked up a crayon in
three years. To be sure you know exactly where to go, we invented
CraftNight!
Six years of crafts, and it never gets old, getting your hands dirty,
mixing and matching colors and shapes, experimenting and letting
yourself go, cutting loose, shooting for the stars by picking up
one pipe cleaner,
one puffball,
one dot of glue,
one paper bag.

The best things in life don’t have to be expensive, spend 2 bucks and
make a paper bag puppet, treat yourself to meaningful frivolity in one
of the world’s most friendly and beautiful exotic gay bars!

See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain