Author Archives: craft captain

This Wednesday, May 13th, 2009 from 9pm until midnight at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: PIRATES TAKE OVER CRAFTNIGHT!

$2 pirating fee, please

A pirate walks into Akbar, with a HUGE ship’s steering wheel lodged in his pants. I mean, really HUGE, he even has a difficult time getting through the door. The pirate hollers “Aye, Matey, git me ah drink!” The bartender (Mikey or Stephan on Wednesdays) says “Uh, yeah, but… you have a huge ship’s steering wheel stuck in your pants.” And the pirate says “I know! IT’S DRIVIN ME NUTS!!!!”

Okay okay, sorry, that was crazy, but shiver me timbers, to err is human, to arrr is PIRATE! Ha! CraftNight’s got pirates, rumor has it they will really be making you walk the plank if you don’t craft this week, so you better show up. I overheard them in the galley, something about bedazzling a pegleg or baking homemade crackers for polly, or decoupaging Davey Jones’s locker or sewing eye patches for your eye (or lack thereof) or pasties for your hongos, or some such nonsense. Whatever it is, it’s sure to be deluxe and VERY dangerous or naughty or rude, or whatever pirates are associated with, I’m shakin’ in my boots right now just thinking about it!

Come see what it’s all about, if you know what’s good for ye… oh, and did you hear about the new pirate movie? It’s rated ARRRRRRR!

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Site – NEWLY UPDATED!!!

Akbar’s Site

This Wednesday, May 6th, 2009 from 9pm until 12 midnight at Akbar it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Special Hosts: THE MIRACLE WHIPS!

Project: Whippin’ up recipe books with the Whips
$2 processing fee, please

FRESH CRAFTNIGHT PIE with THE MIRACLE WHIPS
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup of all-purpose charm
3 cups of your favorite queer femme burlesque troupe
1 teaspoon fun extract
1/2 teaspoon ground foxy dreamboat mix
2 tablespoons of good times

Mothers Day is coming up, and the Whips are here to help you hand bind recipe books! Whether you’re seeking those comfort foods from childhood or a delicious way to do as your Momma told you and EAT YOUR VEGETABLES, the Whips aim to please.
So come on down and draw, write, collage and bind something special, make some food-making blueprints for the special people in your life. We’re all cooking more in this crazy economy, and for those of you growing your own food, well, now is the time to prepare for your growing crops and get some food formulas for when harvest time arrives! This is a PERFECT opportunity to bring along some of your favorite recipes to trade, or write from scratch, so if you’ve got that special recipe for stuffing from great grandma in 1934, copy it for posterity in your new book of cooking wisdom.
See you at the Craft Table!
JP Craft Captain
CraftNight’s Website
Akbar’s Website
ps- CraftHead Website updated soon… technical difficulties pending.

This Wednesday, April 29th, 2009 from 9pm to midnight at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!
Project: Paper Bag Puppets (or an exciting decorative paper container for your 40 come Cinco de Mayo! Drinkin in tha streets!)
$2 processing fee, please
INTERRUPTION-NEAT-O EVENT THIS WEEKEND: The work of your Craft Captain (yeah yeah, tha’s me) and lovely CraftNight Lieutenant, Miss Lori Meeker is at a FABULOUS GARY BASEMAN OPENING at the Corey Helford Gallery THIS MAY 2nd, 2009 from 6:30 to 10! Come see the GIANT Chou Chou Buddha and all its little chou chou buddha mini friends, as well as other Baseman characters come to life! It’s a pan-cultural celebration of drummers and dancers, carnivale games, music and mirth it’s LA NOCHE DE LA FUSION! I made 4 little seasonal chou chou buddhas (one covered in puffballs) and I believe Lori made 2, and hers is COVERED with sparkles! Go see! Eeeeeee!

Back to our regular programming:
Oh hey, are you walking the walk, are you talking the talk?
Are you ambling about as a warrior, a whistler, a wizard, a witch, a warlock, a piece of sweet cherry pie? I’m asking because the naysayers of this world need inspiration or a good kick in the keister, and a dose of ten thousand flaming tons of awesome is what you are, you see. I mean, whatever, I’m just sayin… don’t let the turkeys get you down, if there are any lurking about your doorstep, but do give them something to talk about, capiche?
Be divine and observe the beauty of your existence with us at CraftNight this week. Make a paper bag puppet, create a paper personality: Freddie Mercury, Frida Kahlo, Caesar Chavez, your Mom, the monster under the bed, delirious robot creature, The Three Caballeros, The Golden Girls, a purple puppy, etc.
OR make a “drink holder” for 40 ounces of Olde English 800 so you can stand on the street, shoot off your pop gun and holler “VIVA CERVEZA!” while holding onto a street lamp for dear life during the crazy fireworks in Los Angeles this May 5th. Don’t lose your sombrero, and don’t talk to any sick pigs, I hear they’re getting kind of surly these days. Of course, if you just want to make a paper holder for Lime-flavored diet coke and just make it LOOK like a 40, we won’t tell anyone what a weird sissy you are. Sissies are uncool, and uncool is CraftNight, we have un-ironic hugs for you, so just get in here, yeah? YEAH!
See you at the Craft Table
JP Craft Captain
CraftNight’s Site
Akbar’s Site

This Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009 from 9pm until 12am at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: GRAB BAG Crafts!
$2 processing fee, please

Oh my goodness, what are you crafting this week?
WHO KNOWS?!?
It’s a SURPRISE!
An amalgamation of choices awaits you! Reach into the mystery box and pull out a project!
This evening has been especially designed for those of you who get very curious and like to explore, or who are trying to get more familiar with accepting certain modes of uncertainty.
IN ADDITION to this very enigmatic and anomalous craft… we present Xochitl Brown’s AMAZING BICYCLE COMPONENT ZOETROPE MACHINE! Witness down-home animation at it’s best by gazing upon a TRUE NEIGHBORHOOD WONDER! This beautiful 19th Century optical toy has been constructed from bicycle parts! Come see this one-of-a-kind device that freaked people out so bad back in the day, it’s nickname was “The Devil’s Wheel!” CraftNight patrons who ride their bike to CraftNight this week will get a free gift! What is it? Well… it’s just that kind of night, surprises left and right.
See you at the Craft Table!
JP Craft Captain
CraftNight’s Site
Akbar’s Site

PS- Yours truly in a puppet show: FINAL Weekend! Reserve now! Concrete Folk Variations at the Manual Archives! Woooo!

This Wednesday, April 15th, 2009 from 9pm to Midnight, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!
Project: Yarn Beer Bottle Candle Holder Craft
$2 Processing fee, please!

The very lovely thing about having crafts in a bar every week is that we never run out of empty beer bottles. This is one of those crafts hearkening back to the olden days, where you’d just grab any ol’ glassware and attack it with yarn combinations! I’m not kidding! You’ll see, once you get started you may not stop at one, determining the most pleasing designs and colors for your project may prove insatiably addicting. So settle in, grab some sparkles and handicraft for you and yours a lovely artifact that will be treasured for years to come.
See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain
ps- I just want to add here, that last week’s illustrious craft flyer photo was submitted by the amazing and fabulous Sarah Williams, and Sarah Williams gets a free drink from CraftNight for her efforts. You hear me, Sarah? Come on in and claim your prize!
CraftNight’s Website
Akbar’s Website