Author Archives: craft captain

 

This Wednesday, July 29th, 2009 from 9:00pm until 12-ish, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: Sun Visors

$2 processing fee, please

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I’ve never been able to make out the numbers.

Har de har, but seriously, you can’t live in Los Angeles and not know how to SPF. And you certainly will want to prepare for the next 2 months of mega-sun that comes with August and September. Unless you want to be Ms. Premature Raisin-head 2009, you’d best walk into CraftNight and make yourself a little ditty that will keep your eyes from wincing and wrinkling into a dehydrated apple-head doll on sale at those home town art fairs… wearing little flower dresses, brandishing tiny brooms. Do you want to hold a tiny broom?

Well?

DO YOU?

Okay then. Let’s get ahold of ourselves. Keep yourself young and beautiful and ravishing and eternal with your handy-dandy sun blocker, your VISOR that you’re going to decorate with US, your amazing friends at Akbar! Aren’t you in the mood for a sun-blockin’ party? I’ve got a certain number of visors to hand out, first come, first serve, if you get here late, you’ll just  have to do the auxiliary craft. What’s the auxiliary craft? That has yet to be seen, but you know, let’s hope you get here in time, I’ll be rootin’ for ya. And incidentally, if you stay up all night trying to see where the sun went, don’t worry… at some point it’ll finally dawn on you. Ha ha ha haaaaaaa!

See you at the Craft Table, 

JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Website

Akbar’s Website

This Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009 from 9pm until midnight at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: Dog Tag Necklaces!

$2 processing fee, please

That’s right, here at CraftNight you can make your very own plastic dog tag necklace suitable for gala events, fashion shows, christenings, civil unions, monster truck rallies and movie premieres. In Los Angeles, it’s all about being seen, so make sure the paparazzi flashes catch you wearing the hottest home made plastic on the market, it’s de rigueur, darling.

Walk in the place, whichever place that may be, and the bloggers and the cool-finders and every silly gadget in the PLACE is going to be ON FIRE texting about your fantastic rustic trinket hangin’ round your neck. They’re all going to gnash their teeth with jealousy, coveting your makeshift bling. They’ll rue the day they missed this week’s CraftNight. 

Bring anything you feel might add to your necklace, I hear the power amulet is coming back, as well as macrame. Come on in, and don’t forget the diamonds on the soles of your shoes. I don’t care that it’s hot, you think this is HOT? Dang, we haven’t even seen what August is going to do to us… 

See you at the Craft Table, 
JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site 

This Wednesday, July 15th, 2009 from 9pm to midnight at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!
Project: EASY-AS-PIE 2D-Foam Cabins
$2 processing fee, please!

If you’re one of those people who throws up their hands and says “Oh, I can’t craft!” Then you have no excuse this week. You CAN do this week’s craft.

A baby can do this week’s craft.
A cowboy boot can do this week’s craft.
A pet rock can do this week’s craft.
What’s more innocuous than a pet rock?
Flat cabin-shaped pieces of foam that YOU decorate to your satisfaction is what I’ve got for you this week! Like, dude, you could just glue ONE THING to your cabin and call it a night. You could spend hours or minutes on this, the  bottom line is: it practically makes itself. 

So come in and try it, if you’ve never tried it before, this one’s a great introductory craft for the novice crafter who has never been to CraftNight. And for you advanced crafters, well… you know how it works, it’s only as complicated as you make it!

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site

This Wednesday, July 8th, 2009 from 9pm ’til midnight at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: The Lanyard Life

$2 processing fee, please

Los Angeles has transformed into summertime wonderland, can you imagine not being breathless with all there is to admire and love? I thought not, that’s why for the FIRST TIME EVER we’re doing lanyards at CraftNight this week. Lord knows why we’ve waited so long for this moment, I guess I just needed to mature as a Craft Captain in order to be able to handle lanyards, they’re kind of intense and mystical.

Some of you are really quite resilient in the field of lanyards, you know who you are. But some of you never got that classic summer camp moment, shouting bizarre rhyming musical stanzas with cult-like precision around the bonfire, while weaving strands of double-sided colorful plastic cords into key fobs, bracelets, picture frames or even figures like clowns or animals. Now is your chance, meet your destiny. 

Leave it to the French, plastic lanyards started as a fad in the 1950s over there, and eventually made it into recreation programs all over the world. There are even special names for some of the knots you can learn to tie: Spiral Knot, Cobra, Staircase, Butterfly and other variations! So if you happen to be a lanyard jedi, come on in here and lend us your skills! If you’re a beginner, don’t worry, I’m one too, and if we do lanyards often, our brains will benefit from its positive effects on our coordination skills, and as the years accumulate, we will eventually be the coolest senior citizens IN HISTORY!!! YEOW! 

See you at the Craft Table, you gorgeous toothsome animal, you!

JP Craft Captain

Public Service Announcement: Aw jeez, REALLY?!? For the love ‘o’ Mary, whoever is bringing their OWN beer into the bar during CraftNight (Fat Tire brand, which Akbar doesn’t carry) STOP IT!!! Yes, it’s true, times are hard, but not so hard that you have to be completely uncouth by bringing your trashy-ass beer bottles into Akbar and leaving them there for us to recycle. Akbar is not a chain, it’s not “the man” it’s a neighborhood oasis that has the strongest pour in Silverlake, no joke. Pre-game at home, leave your bottles at your place and please support us by purchasing at least ONE cocktail at OUR place! Have a little class, aye? Sheesh. 

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site

This Wednesday, July 1st, 2009 from 9pm to midnight, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!

Project: Painting plaster figurines FOR SURE!

$2 processing fee, please

 

Whereupon some highly recognizable celebrity icons have been called into the great beyond last week, as well as recent mortal failure of airbus aircrafts resulting in more loss, in addition to coverage of continuing political unrest and governmental ineptitude and greed in various regions here and the world over furthering the mistreatment and untimely deaths of thousands of humans for years and years and years and even right now while I type…………CraftNight would like to take a moment to observe International Flag Burning Day, since underneath all the BS, we’re all just a mess of bratty life forms hanging out together on a big ball that spins.

 

This July 4th, burn the flag closest to your heart, banishing xenophobia and jingoism, promoting tolerance and acceptance of EVERYBODY all over the world! 

Affirm the reality of human freedom and experience! 

Rid your mind of nationalism!

Hooray!

 

I’m not on standby in the Missouri airport any longer, thus we return to our regular programming of painting plaster figurines with acrylic paint. For those of you who don’t know this: acrylic paint DOES NOT wash out of clothing after it dries! Just a little service announcement I like to make from time to time.  

 

See you at the Craft Table, 

JP Craft Captain

 

CraftNight’s Website

 

Akbar’s Website