Author Archives: jp

This Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011 from 9pm – midnight at Akbar it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Macho Talon Necklace
$2 Processing fee, please
$4 Cosmopolitans! There is NOTHING more macho than a hot pink cosmo!
SPECIAL GUEST: DJ DIRT HOLE!!! PRIZES! TREATS! MAYHEM!

In the tradition of flaunting “flagrant joy” we shall embrace the heat of the summer and get seriously MACHO.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it for you.
There will be dancing, there will be prizes, there will be gambling, and there will be talon necklaces.
Anyone who comes up to me and whispers the secret phrase at the end of this bulletin will get a prize.
And if you know who took the photograph used in this week’s CraftNight Bulletin… first one to claim it gets a prize for knowing.

DJ Dirt Hole will be spinning two-fisted, red-blooded, hairy-chested primal beats for you to swing your rocket to, bra.
Bring your hubris, your virile countenance, your bravado and machismo to the dance floor and show us your hunky dance moves.

These necklaces are the most macho thing we’ve ever made at CraftNight, they wield a supernatural power that is so mystically compelling, they barely stay in the box in which they arrived. Barely did I touch one of these yet-to-be assembled talon necklace kits, when I felt my my senses fill with a brawny, self-assured confidence that anyone would surely desire to possess when attending really boring business meetings or long coffee lines. Make one of these, and you could rule the world. Please keep in mind, these talon necklaces won’t instill powers of empathy or wisdom, only a level of conviction and assertiveness associated with certain traits of macho behavior. In other words: with great power comes great responsibility, use your talon necklace for good, capiche?

I have a very coveted amount of talon necklaces, if you get here after they are all gone… you will be forced to “spin the wheel of destiny” and only the stars will be able to decide what you will craft this Wednesday. It’s a special night, there will be special trinkets and prizes handed out, and possibly some tater tots. And sauce.

See you at the Craft Table!
JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site

Super secret phrase: I am so macho, I ate a tomato, and then a potato as well.

This Wednesday, June 15th, 2011 from 9pm – midnight at Akbar it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Bracelet Bonanza
$2 Processing fee, please
$4 Cosmopolitans! The drink is bright and the price is right!

You bet your bippy it’s CraftNight TONIGHT!
We’re making bracelets, since it seems like summer has actually come to roost in Los Angeles, and it’s time to wear beautiful colorful things on your wrists.
You Could Make
1.) A faux wrist watch
2.) Bracelet that reminds you to wash the cat
3.) A warrior armlet that warns others of your warrior skills
4.) Cut one up to form skinny little circlets and start belly dancin’
5.) Write a secret message on the inside, then show it to the person who gets to see it
6.) Hey, flip the theme and it becomes and ANKLET (um, you have to have really little ankles for this…)
7.) Maybe it’s an awesome sport band that looks like.. sporty and stuff
8.) Dick Tracy TV radio transmitter… ahead of its time and completely inoperative!
9.) Weave some beads in that sucker and make a peacetime hippy friendship talisman
10.) Decorate them with fabric and turn them in to “space cuffs” for capturing the villain in your science fiction home movie!

See you at the Craft Table!
JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site

This Wednesday, June 8th, 2011 from 9pm – midnight at Akbar it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Floating Panda
$2 Processing fee, please
$4 Cosmopolitans! Adding color and sass to your night!

It is the night of the “Floating Panda.”
Also: if you come in and tell me the SECRET PHRASE (found at the very very  end of this e-mail) I will give you a FREE TREAT.
The free treat is really cool, don’t miss it.
“Floating Panda” is a very special zen-like CraftNight experience that involves a panda that will actually float.
I have 24 of them, no more, and no less. No endangered animals were harmed in the making of this craft.
If you get here when all 24 are taken, do not cry, I have plenty of fun-filled back-up crafts. But if you want a Floating Panda, you best come in on the early side, because stampedes of people have been known to knock the socks off of CraftNight at at moment’s notice.
I’m also launching foam “gnomes and mushrooms” which are shapes that could lend a hedonistic and mind-bending angle to one’s craft. It’s summer, it’s time to embrace the sundresses and lazy skies and colors of adventure! Gnomes and mushrooms will be in a bowl on the counter, with some other new crafty goodies that will be sure to delight you.

So come in, have a cosmo, take in the swirl of summertime social spirited sway, blow us a smootch, and we’ll reciprocate gladly.

See you at the Craft Table!
JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site

Secret Phrase: Multipurpose Peanut Brittle is my Pal

This Wednesday, June 1st, 2011 from 9pm – midnight at Akbar it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Wooden Plane Jackpot
$2 Processing fee, please
$4 Cosmopolitans! The original recipe from 1977!!!

Planes planes PLANES!
All wooden, three types, fit for painting, decorating, and hanging from the ceiling!
This is a PAINTING craft, with acrylic paints, please bring your painting smock if don’t want to ruin that angora sweater with a possible stray blob of chartreuse or fire engine red.
Welcome to CraftNIght Airlines!
With our award winning, international CraftNight Crew and one of the most modern fleets in Los Angeles, our aim is to provide the most comfortable, relaxing environment for your in-bar creative endeavors.
Advanced hand-picked craft supplies let you personalize your experience, from adjusting your craft to selecting a beverage. A selection of fine spirits, and award winning Akbar personnel, and plenty of sexy and friendly patrons, add up to a stylish, refreshing night.
Stretch your legs during CraftNight and take a walk to the spacious dance floor. Dance if you like, or not at all, we offer relaxation, refreshment and stress-free arts and crafts.
Our CraftNight Captain is available at all times to assist customers with their crafting requests, ensuring that your time in the Craft Room and Cocktail Lounge is a tasteful and enjoyable experience.
Of course, if you want it tasteless, and remarkably indiscreet… we can arrange that as well.

See you at the Craft Table!
JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site

This Wednesday, May 25th, 2011 from 9pm – midnight at Akbar it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: WOODLAND ANIMAL NECKLACES
$2 Processing fee, please
$4 Cosmos (if you know who Carrie Bradshaw is, you know what I’m talkin’ about)

Do stoplights, pinball machines, shredded cereal and flush toilets make a town civilized? The answer is NO!
That’s why we’re making Woodland Animal Necklaces, to wear an outside emblem of our wild nature.
We refuse to be tamed, we are one with the moon!
Adorn your necklace with your choice of feral mitten-wearing rabbit, rabid scarf-laden raccoon, or a positively fierce and predatory earmuff-wearing bird! I’m telling you, one look at this necklace, and people will know you’re the king of the beasts… the largely indigenous North American beast species, that is. Wear your animal amulet to the office, and don’t be surprised if everyone responds, throwing off their clothing and building forts out tiny red straws and coffee napkins, because that’s what this necklace does to people.

You have no excuse.
There’s nothing to stand in the way of your creativity at CraftNight.
You don’t have to go shopping for supplies, we already have them here for you.
You don’t have to think of a theme, as you can see from this e-mail, one already exists.
You don’t have to stop for cocktails, we have the best ones here at Akbar.
And you don’t have to worry about music, or chairs, or tables, or meeting fabulous new people, again… it’s all here.
You don’t even need to worry about whether your craft is “good” or “bad” because, existentially, your craft can only suck as much as you want it to; the meaning you give to it is how it exists.
The one component we need, the one thing missing, the thing CraftNIght needs most is YOU.
YOU keep CraftNight alive.

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain

PS – Special thanks to Arlen Jones for naming the components to a perfect CraftNight while making spaghetti.

PPS – Yes, this is what a bullet blasting through five colors of Pla-Doh looks like.

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site