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Author Archives: jp

November 9th, 2011 • Corn Husk Dolls


This Wednesday November 9th, 2011 from 9pm(ish) to midnight(or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Corn Husk Dolls
$2 Processing Fee, Please
$4 Cosmos! Tastes Great, Less Filling! 

Man is it cold, I could use a night of assembling corn husk crafts! Last week I was talking to Terry (your illustrious Akbar door associate) and we started talking about corn husk dolls, and how awesome corn husks are, and how you can make them into just about anything!
Corn husk crafts are a great way to instill sentimental feelings about fall and the bright blue sky and how the stores are overstocked with canned pumpkin and brown sugar.

“The morns are meeker than they were,
The nuts are getting brown;
The berry’s cheek is plumper,
The rose is out of town.
The maple wears a gayer scarf,
The field a scarlet gown.
Lest I should be old-fashioned,
I’ll put a trinket on.”
– Emily Dickinson

Or… like… I dunno, you know it’s Fall when you see a courageous woman kayaking down the gravy river from the banks of the baked potato. (see photo.)

See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain

Akbar’s Site

CraftNight’s Site

 

Posted by on November 6, 2011 in Uncategorized

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November 2nd, 2011 • Fall Grab Bag Crafts

This Wednesday November 2nd, 2011 from 9pm(ish) to midnight(or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Fall Grab Bag Crafts
$2 Processing Fee, Please
$4 Cosmos! Put a tiger in your tank! 
Special Guest: Allison Moon reading an excerpt from her werewolf Lesbian Novel, Lunatic Fringe around 10 0r 10:30!
Yes, you can get your very own copy here, and yes, I illustrated the cover, hee hee hee! LESBIAN. WEREWOLF. NOVEL. I said it, do I really need to say anything else? Sheesh, you’re smart, get your butt over to Akbar, don’t miss it!

There is something uneasy in the Los Angeles air this afternoon, some unnatural stillness, some tension. What it means is that tonight a Santa Ana will begin to blow, a hot wind from the northeast whining down through the Cajon and San Gorgonio Passes, blowing up sand storms out along Route 66, drying the hills and the nerves to flash point. For a few days now we will see smoke back in the canyons, and hear sirens in the night. I have neither heard nor read that a Santa Ana is due, but I know it, and almost everyone I have seen today knows it too. We know it because we feel it. The baby frets. The maid sulks. I rekindle a waning argument with the telephone company, then cut my losses and lie down, given over to whatever it is in the air. To live with the Santa Ana is to accept, consciously or unconsciously, a deeply mechanistic view of human behavior.

JOAN DIDION, Slouching Toward Bethlehem

To live with the Santa Anas is also to thumb your fingers at every oblivious character who insists that Los Angeles has no seasons. To live with the Santa Anas is to have your face turn into a raisin and feel your snot making craggy rock formations inside each of your nostrils with with fierce purpose. This is also when you want to travel the country on a bicycle named “Rocinante” wear a jean jacket with a dragon and some gems on it, and drink whiskey with strangers on traffic islands. Rumor has it that we might see rain on Friday! CRAZY! Kick up your heels, and start off the “devil winds” by turning off your e-mail, getting real and daring to be perilously recreational… c’mon, just for a night!

We’ve got a bevy of fall varietal crafts for you this evening, some are just “fall” and some are Thanksgiving oriented. Maybe you want to do some sand art, or perhaps work on a turkey paddleball coloring project, or put together a teepee… it’s all here for you to choose! Consider the crafts, consider the wind, consider the werewolf lesbians, consider being unproductive on purpose! Take your allergy pills, put on your chapstick, take a swig of water, don’t forget to slap some moisterizer on your face, and make your way to the most fun-filled Wednesday of your week.

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain

AKBAR

CRAFTNIGHT

 

Posted by on November 2, 2011 in Uncategorized

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Gothtober 26th, 2011 • BYO Pumpkin Carve!

This Wednesday Gothtober 26th, 2011 from 9pm(ish) to midnight(or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: B.Y.O. Pumpkin Carve (and auxiliary Craft for anyone who forgets a Pumpkin!) 
$2 Processing Fee, Please
$4 Cosmos, the cocktail of Halloween’s witch and famous! 
Shameless Plug: www.gothtober.com – Public Internet Art in Fall!

Pumpkins have gone up in price, and I simply have no idea if 30 of you are walking in, or if 50 of you will be walking in, so here’s the deal: I’ll get  a few pumpkins, and those of you who get here first can reimburse me for an orange squash, and I’ll give you tools to carve ’em up. If you arrive without a pumpkin, the VONS is less than a mile away and has TONS of pumpkins, and you can go get one super quick! If you don’t feel like going to VONS, and I’m out of pumpkins, no worries! You can sit right down and make either a haunted house or a halloween necklace.

So you see, I am prepared. Anyway you slice it, we’ve got crafting for you, and we have delicious cocktails to boot.

It’s that time of year, time to avoid visiting vacation spots called names like “Axe Murder Hollow” and perhaps not send the kids to Camp Crystal Lake this year… or the year after that… or maybe even, well… why not just NEVER send them there? And if you see a group of ghosts walking up to you, try to just act supernatural, and don’t spook unless spooken to, that’s just apparitional manners. It’s okay to talk to mummies though, I heard they really know how to keep things under wraps. And if you’re wondering why that skeleton on Sunset won’t cross the road, it’s plain to see, he just doesn’t have the guts, poor guy. Another fall tip is to make sure to keep up your e-payments to your exorcist, lest you are repossessed, we don’t have any priests at Akbar to help with that, as far as I know.

Anyway, see you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site

 

Posted by on October 25, 2011 in Uncategorized

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October 19th, 2011 • Eyeball Suckers and Pencil Stabbers


This Wednesday Gothtober 19th, 2011 from 9pm(ish) to midnight(or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Eyeball Suckers and Pumpkin Pencil Stabbers
$2 Processing Fee, Please
$4 Cosmos, have one ‘o these and just be one of the ghouls!
Shameless Plug: www.gothtober.com – Public Internet Art in Fall!
Special Guests: Sarah and Toni bicycle down the west coast, they live on $4 a day, and they tell people about sustainable menstrual products. Ladies, take care down there, cups are great for the environment, women’s wallets, and women’s health, they’ll be at CraftNight this week to talk to anyone interested!

On to the CRAFTS!
“Tis the season to offend friends and family with gruesome gifts that they can EAT. The charm and innocence of the wayward kleenex ghost wrapped round a lollipop is still quaint and endearing, but we’ve bumped it up a notch. We’ve taken it to the next level, because now we’ve got EYEBALL SUCKERS! That’s right, give your loved one an eyeball popped fresh from the socket, a horrendous and cringe-inspiring trinket sure to create Halloween memories. Despite the trauma of being presented with one of these, I shall report that they are actually quite tasty… for eyeballs on sticks, that is.
We’ll give you a gift tag so that the person you give your eyeball to won’t forget you easily… they’ll remember you when something goes bump in the night.
We’ve also got these lovely pencil toppers that have jack o’ lanterns on them, but you can kind of decorate your pencil anyway you want, we’re just here to give you materials and have you do it up your way!
I call ’em pencil stabbers because pencils aren’t just for writing, they are for ending the life of any vampire that decides to rob you of your life force! STAB!!! Sadly, they don’t work on zombies, but we’ll get to that some other time.

See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain

Remember! Gothtober!

Akbar’s Site

CraftNight’s Site

 

Posted by on October 18, 2011 in Uncategorized

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Gothtober 12th, 2011 • Chenille Stem Halloween Spiders

TONIGHT! This Wednesday, Gothtober 12th, 2011 from 9pm (ish) to midnight or more, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!
Project: Chenille Stem Halloween Spiders
$2 processing fee please!
$4 Cosmopolitans, the cocktail of champions!
Shameless plug: Visit Gothtober.com for Halloween madness in it’s weirdest form! Art!

I can’t give you all the answers. I wish I could.
Night after night I toss and turn wondering why bread slices are square, but the majority of sandwich meat at the supermarket is round.
Why don’t sheep shrink in the rain?
Do butterflies remember being caterpillars?
Can you cry underwater?
Do giraffes see in color?
Why is there a light in the fridge… but not in the freezer?
Why is it 96 degrees outside in Los Angeles?!?

I can answer these questions:
Can I build my very own chenille stem halloween spider at CraftNight? YES!
Will there be markers, glue and googly eyes? YES!
Will there be pre-cut paper spider bodies and heads? YES!
Will there be fun people for me to play with at CraftNight? YES!
Can I bring a bag of live spiders to CraftNight? NO!

See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain Candycorn

www.gothtober.com

www.crafthead.com

www.akbarsilverlake.com

 

Posted by on October 12, 2011 in Uncategorized

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