Tag Archives: Valentines Day

Mellow Valentines LOVE-IN • February 14th, 2018

This Wednesday, February 14th, 2018 from 9pm to midnight (or later) it’s CRAFTNIGHT! 
****Project: Crafts of Love 

*******$4 PABST/TECATE • $5 Drink Special for Lovers and Dreamers!  
*********$3 suggested donation, thank you for supporting the arts!  
********* Lucky winners of my obscure trivia questions will win:
Tickets to YACHT ROCK REVUE at the El Rey Feb 17th!!! (Make no mistake, this is the FINEST tribute to soft rock in the city: It’s comedic, talented musicians, but it’s also an actual tribute situation that will make for a really wonderful evening.)

Crafts are gonna be Valentine-oriented, because I have cute choo-choos, spinny wheels, and love caterpillars and that’s not all! It’s been 73 years since Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday have collided, which seems as good a reason as any to celebrate both. Let’s do it all, hayyyyy. Here’s whassup!

Every month is Black History Month OKAY? OKAY! But we’ll be playing kickass 90s soul on the Akbar HI-FI because it sounds really damn good, and because it’s crucial to educate, empower and sustain the achievements by African Americans and the central role of blacks in U.S. history. And I wanna dance with you to “Buffalo Stance” by Neneh Cherry.

Is Valentines Day: Invented by card companies, dumb if you’re single, dumb if you’re coupled, dumb anyways, too expensive, tacky, tawdry, materialistic, signified by stupid chalky heart-shaped candy, cursed with a dippy red and pink color palette, full of unreal expectations? YES!!! YES ALL OF IT!!! WHO CARES!!! 

It’s so cool to poo on Valentine’s Day, I implore you to just DO A LOVE THING because who wins if you do it? We need more love, just you know… make some. Do something good without getting caught, some kind of secret agent kindness no one can know. Forgive someone who pissed you off. Spend $10 on coffee for you and and a friend. Get your ass out and volunteer. Give your time. Give compliments. Listen to a long-winded family member. Notice someone who doesn’t think they’re noticable. Lift something heavy for somebody. Open doors. Call someone far away. CLIMB OUT OF YOUR BELLY BUTTON AND OPEN YOUR HEART. 

It’s Also Ash Wednesday, which is a catholic thang, but one can still celebrate it in a nonsecular way. Many use it as a New Year’s Resolution reboot. It’s said that Jesus spent 40 days in the desert thinking about stuff, so between now and Easter, you’ve got YOUR personal opportunity to go into DEEP THOUGHT about your life JUST like Jesus, wow! Give something up: fatty snacks, criticism, sour patch kids, swearing, snapchat, smoking, religion, the news, etc.

And like WHY do that? Why suffer? Why have a difficulty when shit’s already difficult? The conscious decision by YOU to deprive YOURSELF of something that may or may not be good for you is a way of forcing yourself to contemplate WHY you like that thing/action, WHY you do it, WHAT it does for you and how that effects the world, even in the most piddly way. What kind of space are you taking up on this earth? This holiday is specifically designed to make you get past any bullshit and self-denial you’ve been harboring. Flip the record and look at the B track. Who are you and what are your priorities, anyway? Find out!

If 40 days is too much for you, there’s always Passover coming up in March, which is 8 days not 40, but no less contemplative and jarring in its own freaky way. If you’d rather shake hands with the devil, come see me at Bingo on February 18th (details below) and win glorious sinful prizes! Be bad! Gamble and support the arts!

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain


FEB 18th – Bet Yer Bottom BINGO!!! Gambling, Winning, Singing, Drinking, Dabbing, Dotting, Laughing! Details HERE!

FEB 21st, FEB 28th – YES THERE WILL  BE CRAFTS YAHHHHHH!!!! We’re relentless and forever, we’re CraftNight. 


Posted by on February 13, 2018 in Collage Craft, Scrapping/Coloring Craft

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CraftNight LOVE-IN!!! • February 11th, 2015


This Wednesday, February 11th, 2015 from 9pm until midnight (or later) at Akbar, it’s The CRAFTNIGHT LOVE-IN!!!
Project: Valentine-O-Rama!!! 
$3 Processing fee, please
$4 Drink specials, for the love o’ cocktails! 

If you like Valentine’s Day, see you this Wednesday.
And if you hate Valentine’s Day, see you this Wednesday.

I’m serious.

You can blame retail, or the system, or cupid, or your ex, but blaming external factors is just another way to naval gaze one’s mind into wasting precious time and resources. If you’re going to be bitter, at least have the sense to be bitter in good company, with fabulous people, and a beverage in your hand.
In the words of Mama Cass “Make your own kind of music. Sing your own special song. Make your own kind of music, even if nobody else sings along.”
The world needs more love all the time and while romantic love is just fine, we also need stuff like friends giving each other cookies, dogs getting extra walks, Grandpas receiving flowers, we need stuff like compliments, hugs, encouragement and support.
Could you use stuff like that? Well we have some just for YOU!
Prepared for you this Wednesday:

• LOVE RAFFLE (Mad mad prize baskets)!
• “The Apple” film on the AKBAR JUMBOTRON!
• GUARANTEED Valentine from Craft Captain!
• SNACKS (sweet AND savory!)!
• Limited Edition magnet BADGE(while supplies last!)
• Delicious Cocktails!
• Fancy Music!
• Cute Friends!
• Hot Strangers!

Make horrible OR wonderful Valentines from the CraftNight vault’s special scrap collection! Paper, markers, glue and glitter GALORE!
I’m working my butt off making special scrap packets for each and every crafter. The ephemera I’ve gathered covers an inventive plethora of emotive card-making choices for today’s lovers, meta-modernists, pervs, and sardonic skeptics.
Your neighborhood needs love, your city needs love, your local gay bar needs LOVE!
If your heart is healing and you want to wallow, we shall wallow with you.
If you’re all about making something wonderful for a special someone, we can help with that.
If you just want to win awesome prizes and watch “The Apple” while having snacks, it’s ON. And on that note, if you’ve never seen “The Apple” I’m aghast. Everyone must see it. EVERYONE.
Here’s the FB invite, RSVP and tell me you’ll be there.

See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain


Posted by on February 9, 2015 in Scrapping/Coloring Craft

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Valentine Party LOVE-IN • February 12th, 2014



This Wednesday, February 12th, 2014 from 9pm to 1:30am at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Valentine Party LOVE IN!!! 
$2 Donation, por favor
$4 DRINK SPECIAL!!! >>> Show some sass, put a Lyla in your glass! 


CraftNight believes in embracing both the delight and dread that comes with Valentines Day, so if you want to give and receive cards that are racy, crazy, lovely, smarmy, tacky, fancy, etc. you will find EVERYTHING YOU NEED to make what you want, exploring every sentiment you have. This is a DELUXE CraftNight, consider unlocking this achievement, it’s not to be missed.

See you at the Craft Table,


It’s now time for my yearly diatribe about Valentine’s Day, as I am a lifelong Romance Activist. Feel free to read or skip, there’s also a list of stuff happening in LA at the bottom.

Every year I get to hear about how much people hate valentine’s day and every year, I roll my eyes and fall on the floor BORED TO DEATH. Oh the excuses!
“I hate Valentines Day Because”

  • Never had a valentine
  • Just a Corporate scheme
  • New relationship, don’t want valentines day to “mean” something
  • Price of Roses  = Highway robbery
  • Too much pink
  • Valentines Day is every day, traditions are dumb

blah blah BLAHHHHHHH!!!! 

If you’re going to hate Valentine’s Day, consider avoidance of hating it in the cliché way (drinking with single friends by self, doing nothing at all, eating ALL the chocolate and crying by yourself, proudly criticizing all the tackiness and shoddy merchandise on the shelves) If you’re gonna hate, hate WELL, and hate inventively.

  1. In protest of Valentines Day, take a vow of silence, and do not talk to or interact with your partner (or anyone else!) for 24 hours.
  2. Get wasted, call every ex you’ve ever had and make fart sounds into their answering machines, OR live, should they pick up.
  3. Purchase heart-shaped piñata, fill with packets of JELL-O pudding, invite friends to smash.
  4. Drive to LA’s most romantic make-out vistas (Griffith Park Observatory, Mulholland Drive, Beachwood Canyon Overlook, etc.) blast Peter Cetera really loudly, and throw those chalky valentine candies at people trying to kiss.
  5. Wear only a thong and give unwanted hugs at an advanced film premiere of “Winter’s Tale” 

“Valentines Day should be every day” who are we kidding, it’s not, it’s just not. It’s not sustainable, because laundry, life chores, etc. and you kind of have to get back to everyday maintenance, valentine or no valentine. But there is always room for practicing bits of generosity when you can find the time, so if you’re not totally anti-Valentine’s Day, this holiday is still useful for taking the time to plant new and surprising varietals of kindness:

  1. SELF – I know I know, Calgon take me away but c’mon! Treat yourself to a 3 Terrabyte hard drive, buy the fancy bougie artisan salt you’ll never let yourself have, start that weird project you’ve got in your back pocket, buy the shoes, visit the salon, try some “tough love” and do the difficult things you don’t like doing but are essentially good for you (taxes, health insurance, budgeting, other paperwork).
  2. FRIENDS/FAM – Call the old friend who is gonna love hearing your voice, send Grandma a hand-written letter, recognize the sacrifice and love it took your caretaker or parent to give when you were a junior-high brat, babysit for some parents who could use a night out, mop the floor even if it’s not your turn, remind your mentor/role model how they inspire you, surprise your neighbor with a rhyming card and a package of energy-saving lightbulbs.
  3. FOR KIDS – OMG The Lego Movie even if you hate stuff like that take your friends kids who are hyperventilating every time they see the poster, show your nieces and nephews how to properly roll down a grassy hill, instill lasagna making skills in every 8 year old you meet, make ’em a valentine’s day scavenger hunt.
  4. PETS – Take dog to water feature or off-leash park/trail, give cat most obnoxiously-priced cat from pet store, give turtle organic greens and let ’em walk around on fresh grass, put opening-closing treasure chest that blurts bubbles into fish tank, take parrot on exciting excursion, whatever makes ’em happy!
  5. ABSTRACT – Visit someone’s marker at the cemetery (or however you wanna remember them), Donate time or money to a charity who gives love and help to those in need, make or deliver some meals, do some meditation on love and send some outward with your mind. Send love to the invisible, the forgotten, the lonely, the darkest and most desperate, sad and angry parts of yourself,  the stuff we try to keep ourselves from seeing.

Consider letting February 14th be your “excuse” to make love an impetus for change. 

Okay, thanks for reading, now onward to the goings ons!


It’s Los Angeles Zine Week! All over the place you can find events, readings, workshops and exhibitors galore!

FEB 12th: Pantsuit Power Hour – Head to the Must after CraftNight to hand out your business-style valentines, maybe you’ll get a Valentine Business promotion or bonus!

FEB 13th: Los Angeles Artwalk! Free, fun, and celebrating art every month!

FEB 15th: Planet Queer’s LOVE ROCKET From Ian MacKinnon and Travis Wood is a fabulous night of performance, art, music, community and MORE (at Akbar!)

My favorite chocolate shop in LA is Teuscher in BH, every bit worth taking my Echo Park butt across LaBrea, how about you? Of course, the Chocolate Indulgence Tour might be an interesting way to find more cocoa in your cocopuffs.

Be a Virtual Valentine Volunteer right now from where you’re sitting (Volunteer Match!)

One last thing (emphasis 2:34):


Posted by on February 11, 2014 in Uncategorized

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February 13th, 2013 • 12th Annual Valentine Craft LOVE-IN

This Wednesday, February 13th, 2013 from 9pm until 12 (sometimes later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!!
Project: 12th Annual Valentine CraftNight!!! 
$2 Suggested Donation 
$4 Cosmopolitan Drink Special – The Akbar Cosmopolitan: The Cosmo Larger Than Life
NEW FEBRUARY BADGE: While supplies last, limited edition “heart-on” pin! 

I know you can’t wait for Valentine’s Day! I know you’ve got your day all planned, you’ve pressed your pink organza pants, the corsage is in the fridge, the mylar swooshy pompoms are waiting in their custom made yellow silk bag, yay, it’s going to be such finery! Oh, but if you’re one of those people who crinkles up their nose at this marvelous holiday and provides a litany of snarly comments, that’s the OTHER set of emotions that greets me every Valentines Day for the last 12 years of prepping for February 14th with Crafters.

Well, hopefully, if you show up, you’ll un-crinkle your schnoz because every crafter, in edition to the pin I’ve designed for this month gets a SPECIAL VALENTINE TREAT FROM YOUR CRAFT CAPTAIN!!! All you have to do is get a bag, write your name on it, put it in the “delivery area” and while you wait for Valentine surprises, make a few valentines for some of the other crafters’ bags sitting right next to yours!

Don’t get me wrong, I know why the sneering and jeering accompanies this heart-y holiday, here’s a list you may (or may not) appreciate.


1.) Valentine’s Day is just a thinly veiled corporate scheme to cover up the three day festival Lupercalia which does not involve diamonds, dinner or giant cardboard heart-shaped boxes filled with cheap waxy chocolates.

2.) NOT celebrating Valentine’s Day only emphasizes Valentine’s Day MORE, which means that Valentine’s Day wins, because it only makes you look like a total ninny who is scared of doilies, the color pink, tiny babies with golden locks of hair and flappy wings, exciting exotic underwear, and dinner reservations.

3.) Valentine’s Day was invented by single people to make couples stress out and get in fights.

4.) The Valentine’s Day Mafia is a criminal syndicate that originated in the middle ages, and consists of a secret society of florists, greeting card companies, stuffed animal manufacturers, jewelers, chocolatiers and confectioners.

5.) Valentine’s Day was invented by your grandparents because you are a horrible grandchild, and your poor, sad, thankless relatives had to invent a holiday just to get your attention so that you’ll put a stamp on a pathetic little store-bought card and send it to them so that they’ll know you’re alive.

6.) Saying “I Love You” does not count on any day of the year unless it is on Valentine’s Day, and Valentine’s Day may not be celebrated by single people, parents, siblings, friends, acquaintances or just because. It is not a holiday celebrating love for everyone, it is only for two people that are currently in a traditional romantic relationship, and by romantic, I mean the public display of artificial, overly-contrived commercialized method of romance that our nation commands us to follow on February 14th.

7.) Hiking, parasailing, sunsets, roller coasters, roller skating, obscenely shaped marzipan, karaoke, picking a different day that works better for everyone, horseback riding, massage class, wine tasting, exchanging cookies, dressing up your junk like a lil’ circus animal, mix tapes, poems, sexy phone calls, or any other  expression of love that is original and heartfelt or any other way of demonstrating what Valentine’s Day and Love means to you is not considered a REAL Observance of Valentine’s Day.

8.) Unless you are at least 20% miserable at some point in preparing/celebrating Valentine’s Day, you’re not doing a good enough job.

9.) Only women are miserable on Valentine’s Day, a man is supposed to leaf through SELF or Cosmo magazine and build up unrealistic expectations of emotional validation from the woman he loves who will hopefully use all her credit cards to send something to the man that is flashy and colorful so that the man can show off to co-workers and friends who will witness the act and catalogue it for future reference. LGBTQ couples either have to love or hate Valentine’s Day together at the same exact time. Single people have to wear unwashed sweatpants, eat an entire carton of ice cream, watch reruns on Hulu and cry or wail in 15-minute intervals. Married couples who have been together 10 years or over must forget Valentine’s Day exists or just acknowledge that they are dead inside and give each other a single dried rose. Kids can only give each other pre-made cards from the grocery store that come with stale Redhots. Freshly broken-up people must lay prone on the floor and moan, maybe roll around and accidentally inhale some dust and then roll over and sleep it off, after approximately 6 hours of this, a friend must take them to a bar, where all the freshly broken-up person’s drinks are free (including Shirley Temples).

10.) Okay yeah, you guessed it, this is all just a bunch of silly lies. But the way people do not like Valentine’s day has become just as predictable as the accepted cheezy corny commercial perception of Valentine’s Day! It’s totally hipster to hate on Valentine’s Day, did you know this?!? Don’t let ironic living spoil your FUN! Don’t live defensively! Be inventive and forward with your love! The scrutiny of others be damned! Eros is the ethos! It’s in all of us, for everyone, lovers, dreamers, dog washers, coffee stirrers, tire changers, nurf herders, etc. We don’t have a lot of time on this big blue marble! Being generous and kind to each other is reason enough to throw naval-gazing and hesitation out the window in order to please for the love o’ Mary just paste together something sweet for someone you think is cool! Myths 1-9 are TRAPS of the mind! Embrace #10!!! Get your butt in here, step up, conquer yourself and win! Be brave, get crazy and un-thinky and make a goddamn Valentine at CraftNight! And yes, Lupercalia Valentines are totally awesome, unless, of course, you’re giving up Lupercalia for Lent.

See you at the Love-tastic Valentine Shindig!

JP Craft Captain


Posted by on February 12, 2013 in Uncategorized

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