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Radioactive Halloween Sand Crafts • October 17th, 2012

This Wednesday, October 17th, 2012 from 9pm(ish) until 12(or later) at Akbar,  it’s CRAFTNIGHT!
Project: Radioactive Sand Crafts! *glows in the dark*
$2 Processing Fee
$4 Cosmopolitans: For people who share a taste for excitement
Massage Therapist Sky on Duty: Bodywork Special: $14 for 15 minutes, try it!
Aztec Chocolate Chip Spice Cookies & Satanic Cupcakes from Vero’s Gothtober Baking Adventures!

ONGOING Gothtober Countdown Calendar by yours truly and 31 fantastic artists on the internet for you to see! GO SEE! 

Wouldn’t you know it, I was walking down a very dangerous uninhibited alley full of horrible smells and dumpsters and canisters full of bubbling slime, just the kind of place I like to walk alone and explore. Right next to a canister of what could only be described as fetid rotting snot was a very old and decrepit curiously interesting cardboard box, covered in “DO NOT OPEN” and “PROPERTY OF MARIE CURIE” labels. It was scuffed with grease stains and had the faint smell of clorox, and I was strangely, magnetically pulled toward its contents. I knelt down, pulled opent the flaps. There was kind of an explosion, a loud “MON DIEU! Vous avez fait une erreur énorme! IMBECILE!”  (too bad I don’t speak French) and sort of a weird apparition of a women flew out of the box, she was kind of old-timey looking and green, but definitely irritated. Honestly, I think my eyes were just playing tricks on me. I was quite startled by this event, but managed to calm myself and get back to the box and thank goodness, because what a delight!

What a craft find, tons of packets of weirdly questionable magical glow-in-the-dark skeleton and tombstone crafts! These are so easy to make, you just “peel to reveal” the adhesive and then pour on the colored sand and voila, you have yourself an exciting project. I’m not sure if it’s safe to use these, I scoured the rest of the alley and found some lizard gizzards and some rat whiskers, but nothing else was as cool as these radioactive glowy sand crafts.

UPCOMING COOL THINGS: 

TONIGHT: Ian MacKinnon’s “Battlestar GAY-lactica” at Akbar! $5 show starts at 8! (my sweetheart, Coral Lobera, is going to perform! Woo!)

THURSDAY: SPECTERS, SPIRITS, & SPIES! A Night of Spooky Storytelling at The Last Bookstore (I’m performing! Come get spooked!)

NEXT THURSDAY: Wig Out!™ Get Your 7 Year Anniversary Zombie Ball On! (I’ll be good and dead, come see me…)

See you at the craft table, JP Craft Captain

Akbar’s Site

CraftNight’s Site 

 

 

Posted by on October 15, 2012 in Uncategorized

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TONIGHT! Autumn Crafts, Apples, Ukeleles, Puffballs, Massage Therapy! (September 26th, 2012)

TONIGHT!!! Wednesday, September 26th, 2012 from 9pm(ish) until 12(or later) at Akbar,  it’s CRAFTNIGHT!
Project: FALL Crafts! (a plethora of classic autumnal favorites) 
$2 Processing Fee
$4 Cosmopolitans: For people who share a taste of excitement.  

TONIGHT! TONIGHT! TONIGHT!
     • UKELELE ORCHESTRA PERFORMANCE 10 or 11-ish 
     • “THE APPLE” playing on the Akbar Jumbo Movie Tron 
     • SKY THE MASSAGE THERAPIST ON DUTY! 
     • FREE Mini APPLE pom pom creature in honor of Johnny Appleseed Day!
It’s FALL!

I don’t know about you, but I like to celebrate the Vernal Equinox, Johnny Appleseed Day and Yom Kippur by watching weird cult classic movies, doing crafts, thinking deep thoughts, sipping on cocktails, singing with a ukelele orchestra and participating in some bodywork with a really good masseuse, all in one night at one place.

After tonight’s amazingness, you’re like “what now? How do I keep from getting hopelessly bored in this major metropolitan city?” I’ve nothing to do! I’ve nowhere to go! What will become of me?!?

Here are some answers:

Thursday –  WIG OUT doors open 9:30 theme: PUPPETS (JP & Monica perform with Bob Baker Marionette Puppeteer, Adrien Rose)

Friday – Sat – The PAT & CHARLIE VARIETY HOUR from Cavern Club 9pm

Saturday – TRANSLUCENT TRAVELS at Automata in China Town 8pm (JP presents a weird slideshow)

See you at the craft table, JP Craft Captain

Akbar’s Site

CraftNight’s Site 

 

Posted by on September 26, 2012 in Uncategorized

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TONIGHT! • September 5th, 2012 • Scrappin’ with the Scrapbooks!

TONIGHT! Wednesday, September 5th, 2012 from 9pm(ish) until 12(or later) at Akbar,  it’s CRAFTNIGHT!
Project: Craft a Scrap Book!
$2 Processing Fee
$4 Cosmopolitans: How Many Sips Does it Take to Get to the Center of an Akbar Cosmo? I…2…
Featuring: Masseuse Therapist SKY! • Current deal is 15 minutes for 14 bucks! Get the stress out!
Also Featuring: Craft Lieutenant Veronica LeBron’s Flat-n-Crispy Bacon Laceys which need to be tasted to be believed, a classic recipe with a bacon twist, come get yours!

It’s your moment, the end of the day, to relax, unwind and have something special for yourself and your friends and your life and your cocktail. The scrap potential is very high tonight, plenty of pieces to play with to make your scrapbook fantasy come true. I actually have a really fantastic scrapbook, the latest entries in it being from 1953. I’ll bring it and share, so that you may gain inspiration from this wonderful relic.
The “scrapper” who remains unknown (I purchased this item at a swap meet in Simi Valley) has decorated the pages with countless newspaper clippings, decorative bits of paper, local ephemera, poems, pictures of exotic animals and far away destinations… it’s a quiet treasure of its era, and every time I peruse its pages I find something new.

The scrapper was prone to cutting out one sentence facts from publications, tidbits like “There are 209 rooms in Buckingham Palace” or “Painted fingernails were fashionable in Egypt, 1000 B.C.” The book is peppered with trivia, and I like the idea that no matter how old this tattered scrapbook gets, it still contains truths that will endure.

The digital age makes stuff like this exceedingly rare, and there’s actually a “scrapbook industry” that sells pre-printed pages, punch shapes, stickers, etc. that caters to “making memories.” And that’s cool… but when you look at this home made scrap book from 1953, you’re going to observe ingenuity and artistry that blows today’s manufactured scrap supplies right out the window. Cellophane scotch tape wasn’t on the market until 1930, yet miraculously enough, there isn’t a SINGLE piece of tape in this scrapbook, it’s all been put together with glue or paste.
Come in and make a little scrapbook, I’ve punched paper ahead of time for the event, I’ve got lots of paper and collage scraps, glue and glue sticks, this craft is gonna knock your socks off!

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain

Akbar’s Site

CraftNight’s Site 

 

Posted by on September 5, 2012 in Uncategorized

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February 22nd, 2012 • Dog Biscuits Bake-Off!

This Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012 from 9pm until midnight at Akbar it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Dog Biscuits and Dog Biscuit Treat Bags
$2 Processing fee, please!
$4 Cosmopolitans! Here’s to good times, tonight is kinda special… 

Bet you didn’t know it, but today’s a national holiday, and no, I’m not talking about giving up french fries for 40 days.

It just so happens to be “International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day” and we shall observe this holiday with gusto. It’s a well known fact that no one appreciates a dog biscuit quite as much as a dog, but if you don’t have a dog, or any dog friends, it’s okay. The biscuits we’re making are a simple vegetarian recipe, so if you prefer that we call them “people biscuits” for human consumption, no one’s going to freak out, especially me. I’m mostly just excited that we’re baking at CraftNight tonight!

I’ll bring the toaster oven and the biscuit mix, and little bags that we can color and decorate so that we can make and bake the biscuits, then wrap them up all cute-like for dogs and dog lovers of Los Angeles! Make dog biscuits in the shape of bones, hats, letters, stars, hearts, it’s a sculpting fest, woooooo!

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain

Akbar’s Site

CraftNight’s Site

 

Posted by on February 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

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January 25th, 2012 • Beaded Flower Clip


This Wednesday, January 25th, 2012 from 9pm until midnight at Akbar it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Beaded Flower Clip
$2 Processing fee, please!
$4 Cosmopolitans! Think with a pink drink!

 
If you’re procrastinating on the internet, I’m glad the series of tubes brought you here to the CraftNight site, where we’re going to be REALLY INTO BEADS this week. Bring your procrastinating self over to Akbar, and use our activity as a gentle distraction from whatever ELSE you’re “supposed to be doing.”
CraftNight endorses a bit of vagueness, confusion and fuzzy-mindedness.
Enhanced clarity isn’t everything.
You see, I have news for you: You’re never going to catch up. There will always be more paper, people, pineapples and peanuts to deal with in the course of your lifetime. Levels of efficiency and quality will always be part of the great cyclical whirlwind of stuff that permeates the daily joys of existence. It’s not about cutting out the fun, it’s about balancing the drudgery with the funnery in a way that makes you throw your hat in the air like Mary Tyler Moore on the Mary Tyler Moore show.

I’m not saying “Don’t plan things” since, as we all know, taking 10 t0 12 minutes to plan one’s day saves the average planner 100 to 120 minutes! I’m saying maybe “Don’t plan things ALL THE TIME and HAVE SOME FUN” since, as we all know, sticking to the plan all the time is kind of boring, and routines are meant to be broken.

Besides, I have an important task for you, it’s so important, you’ll have a burning desire to start and finish it, which will kickstart your endorphins into overdrive and get you addicted to starting and finishing other things! It’s called a beaded flower clip, it involves (duh) beads, and you can either string’em together into the awesome shape of a flower, or just get crazy and make whatever you want out of the materials!

Make a necklace make a key fob make a dangling groovy handle for your backpack zipper!
Give it to your friend, give it to your lover, give it to the butcher the baker the candlestick maker!
This flower is going to start you on the road toward ultimate productivity, but ONLY if you STOP productivity NOW to procrastinate on your projects in order to come join us and play with this project.

Taxes can wait.
The cat can wait.
Your boss can wait wait wait.
You’ll have such a positive experience making this flowery thing, you’ll have guaranteed results!
Develop the habits of success! Make a beaded flower clip! Come to CraftNight and be a winner! Wooooooooo!

See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain

Akbar’s Site

CraftNight’s Site

 

 

Posted by on January 24, 2012 in Uncategorized

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