Category Archives: Collage Craft

Mellow Valentines LOVE-IN • February 14th, 2018

This Wednesday, February 14th, 2018 from 9pm to midnight (or later) it’s CRAFTNIGHT! 
****Project: Crafts of Love 

*******$4 PABST/TECATE • $5 Drink Special for Lovers and Dreamers!  
*********$3 suggested donation, thank you for supporting the arts!  
********* Lucky winners of my obscure trivia questions will win:
Tickets to YACHT ROCK REVUE at the El Rey Feb 17th!!! (Make no mistake, this is the FINEST tribute to soft rock in the city: It’s comedic, talented musicians, but it’s also an actual tribute situation that will make for a really wonderful evening.)

Crafts are gonna be Valentine-oriented, because I have cute choo-choos, spinny wheels, and love caterpillars and that’s not all! It’s been 73 years since Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday have collided, which seems as good a reason as any to celebrate both. Let’s do it all, hayyyyy. Here’s whassup!

Every month is Black History Month OKAY? OKAY! But we’ll be playing kickass 90s soul on the Akbar HI-FI because it sounds really damn good, and because it’s crucial to educate, empower and sustain the achievements by African Americans and the central role of blacks in U.S. history. And I wanna dance with you to “Buffalo Stance” by Neneh Cherry.

Is Valentines Day: Invented by card companies, dumb if you’re single, dumb if you’re coupled, dumb anyways, too expensive, tacky, tawdry, materialistic, signified by stupid chalky heart-shaped candy, cursed with a dippy red and pink color palette, full of unreal expectations? YES!!! YES ALL OF IT!!! WHO CARES!!! 

It’s so cool to poo on Valentine’s Day, I implore you to just DO A LOVE THING because who wins if you do it? We need more love, just you know… make some. Do something good without getting caught, some kind of secret agent kindness no one can know. Forgive someone who pissed you off. Spend $10 on coffee for you and and a friend. Get your ass out and volunteer. Give your time. Give compliments. Listen to a long-winded family member. Notice someone who doesn’t think they’re noticable. Lift something heavy for somebody. Open doors. Call someone far away. CLIMB OUT OF YOUR BELLY BUTTON AND OPEN YOUR HEART. 

It’s Also Ash Wednesday, which is a catholic thang, but one can still celebrate it in a nonsecular way. Many use it as a New Year’s Resolution reboot. It’s said that Jesus spent 40 days in the desert thinking about stuff, so between now and Easter, you’ve got YOUR personal opportunity to go into DEEP THOUGHT about your life JUST like Jesus, wow! Give something up: fatty snacks, criticism, sour patch kids, swearing, snapchat, smoking, religion, the news, etc.

And like WHY do that? Why suffer? Why have a difficulty when shit’s already difficult? The conscious decision by YOU to deprive YOURSELF of something that may or may not be good for you is a way of forcing yourself to contemplate WHY you like that thing/action, WHY you do it, WHAT it does for you and how that effects the world, even in the most piddly way. What kind of space are you taking up on this earth? This holiday is specifically designed to make you get past any bullshit and self-denial you’ve been harboring. Flip the record and look at the B track. Who are you and what are your priorities, anyway? Find out!

If 40 days is too much for you, there’s always Passover coming up in March, which is 8 days not 40, but no less contemplative and jarring in its own freaky way. If you’d rather shake hands with the devil, come see me at Bingo on February 18th (details below) and win glorious sinful prizes! Be bad! Gamble and support the arts!

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain


FEB 18th – Bet Yer Bottom BINGO!!! Gambling, Winning, Singing, Drinking, Dabbing, Dotting, Laughing! Details HERE!

FEB 21st, FEB 28th – YES THERE WILL  BE CRAFTS YAHHHHHH!!!! We’re relentless and forever, we’re CraftNight. 


Posted by on February 13, 2018 in Collage Craft, Scrapping/Coloring Craft

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Pasta and Bean Mosaics • June 29th, 2016


This WednesdayJune 29th, 2016 from 9pm until midnight (or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT. 
Project: Pasta Bean Mosaics    
$3 Processing fee, please
$4 Drink Specials at Akbar: The good life at a great price, guaranteed! 

Consider the lowly bean, and the lowly noodle.
Perhaps you’ve just been eating them mindlessly in a distracted way, but have you been really thinking about these food items carefully?
Perhaps you’ve just slurped ramen noodles into your face without a single thought about who made them, where they came from, and what they do for society.

You can keep walking past legumes and starches, or you can pause, and you can see these objects differently for a night, maybe even see them as ART.

Pasta and beans are usually unremembered, but not THIS night.

This won’t be the first time we’ve made mosaics with pasta and beans, and it won’t be the last. But even as I type this, in my studio, right behind me is a portrait of me that my friend, Kendra, made about 10 years ago, and it is one of the coolest things I own, and I cherish it. It’s not so much that it’s me, but the fact that she calmly sat there and put together a bunch of tiny, dried, perishable shapes together to make a visual idea.

I hope that pasta and bean mosaic-making interferes with your mind, and that your summer is enhanced by the experience.

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain

Coming UP in Your Hot Hot City

JULY 3rd AKBAR 2pm: BEARS IN SPACE 7th Anniversary w/DJ Harvey!!!!

4th of July FIREWORKS (will be everywhere… but also here!) 
KJLH 4th of July Fireworks at Exposition Park Check it OUT 
Family fun, music and fireworks!! Food trucks, carnival rides and info booths!
Music Stages: Timothy Bloom, Joshua Ledet, Gourdan Banks, Andrew Gouche and Band of Brothers, Rory Darvel and the Ultimate Tribute to Prince, Shaun B, Zeia King and N’Sessions, Markees Williams and Divine Destiny and so much more!
It’s FREE and Open to the Public!!!!!

PARTY at the AUTRY (Start of the Summer series!) 
Autry Museum’s popular summer dance series, Thursday evenings July 7–August 18. All ages welcome, reservations recommended
6:00 p.m. Tacos and drinks available for purchase
6:00–8:00 p.m. Galleries and Autry Store open
6:30 p.m. Music begins
7:30 p.m. Complimentary dance lesson led by Enio Cordoba



Posted by on June 29, 2016 in Assembly Craft, Collage Craft

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Pet Rocks! • March 30th, 2016



TONIGHT: Bet Yer Bottom BINGO!!!! 8pm to 10pm it’s boys, balls, girls, prizes, a ramblin’ gamblin’ good time at Akbar!
TOMORROW: Wednesday March 30th, 2016 from 9pm until midnight (or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: Pet Rocks!
$3 Processing fee, please
$4 Drink Specials at Akbar: Where hospitality meets you at Sunset and Fountain

Access your igneous, your sedimentary, your metamorphic self by making a PET ROCK at Akbar this Wednesday! Rocks are everywhere! We never notice them, they never get the glory and the prestige they deserve, but all of that changes this week. Rocks may seem indestructible, but in fact, they change over hundreds of years, a process we never get to see, because you know… we don’t last as long as rocks.

It has taken eons for these rocks to get to their smooth round shape, yet it will take you probably less than an hour to paint one of these rocks! Your interaction with your rock will be but a pitstop in it’s centuries-long existence. Once you get yourself to a rock and paint it, the rock will endure, as a paper weight, as a doorstop, as an attention-getting sculpture on a bookshelf, it will persist, and be a pet rock, for many years. It may even become a family heirloom! It will be your pet, your friend, your advisor during tough times, a comfort in it’s steadfast, reliable continuation.

It is rare to have a pet that will outlive you. Some people like tortoises or parrots, they have long lifespans, but none of them beat the rock. Pet rocks are quiet, friendly and inexpensive. You never have to change the cedar chips in the cage, or replace newspaper or even take a pet rock for a walk, they are just that easy to take care of, and they will never pee on the rug.

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain


April 6th – Monster Sand Art! Fierce!
April 13th – Finger Puppets! Fabric Fun in your FACE!
April 20th – Spring Grab Bag Crafts! Surprise Packet Love!
April 27th – Egg Carton Creatures!



Posted by on March 29, 2016 in Collage Craft, Painting Craft

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Annual CraftNight LOVE-IN • Feb 10th, 2016


This Wednesday, Feb 10th, 2016 from 9pm until midnight (or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
$3 Processing fee, please
$4 Drink Specials at Akbar: Life without passion is unforgivable. 

• Valentine Scrap-Craft-O-Rama Craft Smorgasbord!
• RAFFLE (prize baskets o fun!)
• “Phantom of the Paradise” film on the Akbar Jumbotron!
• GUARANTEED Valentine from your Craft Captain!
• LIMITED EDITION magnet BADGE (while supplies last!)
• SNACKS! (Sweet and Savory) 

With all of the choices in the world, all of the people to meet, all of the emails to read and ignore, all of the things to do in the big city, the choice is usually to make no choice and take potshots at everything because daring to make something of your own will merely meet with scrutiny and everyone’s callous, spoiled, stagnated, bloviating naval-gazing critiques. Well no more of that, it’s time to kick fear in the teeth this week with LOVE!

I’m reaching out of this monitor, grabbing you by the MIND and asking you some some goddamn questions:





We’re building a world where you can ask these questions with glue, glitter, pens, paper, and valentines.

Visit us to receive your valentine bag, write your name on it, and put it on the ledge. Note the other bags on the ledge, and make valentines for those people you don’t know. Take a risk, have something to talk about in the locker room, make a thing, be a choice, love your humans, we’re all we’ve got.

Also, in case your heart is broken or you’re just feeling misanthropic, ignore everyone and find a dark corner, come and drink your feelings while watching Phantom of the Paradise! This film is director, Brian de Palma’s ONLY musical, and it stars the legendary Paul Williams in all of his flowy blonde-haired glory! Witness this cautionary tale of stolen and perverted artistry, lost love, and Faustian bargains!

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain


Ohhhhh the LOVE-IN!!! • Featuring the RAFFLE SURPRISE BASKETS • “Phantom of the Paradise” on the Akbar Jumbotron • Snacks • Limited edition magnet badge • Guaranteed Valentine from your Craft Captain • Music • Romance • Bromance • Sisters • Sinners • Love and all of its complicated meanings and feelings


February 17th – Chinese New Year Neon Monkey Door Hangers
February 24th – Princess Ice Castles
March 4th – Adorable Finger Puppets

TUESDAY February 23rd BINGO: Tuesday 8pm to 10pm it’s Bet Yer Bottom Bingo the night of fast and loose chances in your favorite bar with knock-out prizes and big bottles of booze! Boys, Girls, Balls, and that winning feeling!


Posted by on February 8, 2016 in Collage Craft, Freeform Craft, Multi-Variety Craft

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Groundhog Day Paper Dolls • January 27th, 2016


This Tuesday it’s BET YER BOTTOM BINGO (read further below for details)
This Wednesday, Jan 20th, 2015 from 9pm until midnight (or later) at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: Magnets 
$3 Processing fee, please
$4 Drink Specials at Akbar: America’s World Class Cocktail 

Groundhog Day is almost upon us, are you ready? Did you order enough baby carrots? Do you have the dip ready? Will there be enough chairs? All of the banks are going to close, the grocery stores are going to close early, it’s a madhouse throughout the city as everyone scrambles for the big day.

We will be ready with some special Groundhog-themed treats (involving Oreos ground into dirt, no less) and we will have Groundhog paper dolls that you color and then cut out and stand up for display purposes. Adult coloring books are all the rage right now, so why not sit down with some pens and crayons and color inside OR outside the lines to make your own very unique Groundhog standee? We have everything you need for blowing off steam, we have cocktails, we have music, we have weird stuff playing on the Akbar jumbo-tron, we’ve got people you’ve yet to meet, we’ve got drinks, and we have this little project. Everything is designed for you to de-stress, unwind and sink yourself into a little haven of joy and ease.

Don’t listen to the purists, who think that coloring stuff isn’t making art, those people are just pissed that they didn’t invent coloring themselves. They should probably relax. Coloring is a meditative process, and the act of spacing out is very creative. When you color, you’re giving your brain the mental equivalent of a playground, a big space to run around in and be free. I think coloring in a Groundhog paper doll is doubly relaxing, because these are creatures that know how to SLEEP. Groundhogs know how to relax. If only those weird guys in Punxatawney would stop DIGGING up the groundhogs to see if they’re making shadows!

I was born on Groundhog Day. If you aren’t busy and wish to come in and give me a hug for turning a year older, I certainly won’t stop you.

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain



THIS TUESDAY January 26th BINGO: Tuesday 8pm to 10pm it’s Bet Yer Bottom Bingo with the big bad prizes you’ve come to love us for, so come on in and try your luck with booze, girls, boys, balls, it’s the best in neighborhood gay bar gambling!
**February 3rd CRAFTNIGHT – Mardis Gras Disguises
Ohhhhh the LOVE-IN!!! • Featuring the LOVE RAFFLE (Mad mad prize baskets), Valentine Snacks, Cute Friends, Hot Strangers and MORE!






Posted by on January 23, 2016 in Collage Craft, Coloring Craft

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